


If Your Wings Are Broken, Please Take Mine

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Love On His Arms [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: But like they in this so?!?, Clary Fray Needs A Hug, Depression, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Raphael and Cat and Maia and Madzie show up in chapter 7, Self-Harm, Supportive Clary Fray
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-23 06:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14929347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which there is recovery, and new discoveries





	1. I'm Going to Stand By You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this chapter was going to be something TOTALLY different originally, and then Clary decided she wanted to have some alone time with Magnus.

_Hands, put your empty hands in mine,_  
_And scars, show me all the scars you hide._  
_And hey, if your wings are broken,_  
_Please take mine so yours can open too,_  
_'Cause I'm gonna stand by you._  
_Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes,_  
_And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I._  
~Stand By You, Rachel Platten

* * *

Magnus wakes up alone two days after his magic is unlocked, he frowns before rolling out of bed to track down his boyfriend, only he doesn’t find Alec, he finds Clary, sitting on the couch, drawing, dressed in a far, far too bright sundress.

“Biscuit?” He asks, as he goes to sit down in one of the arm chairs, frowning at her. Clary looks up from her art and smiles at him.

“Hi, Magnus. If you’re looking for Alec, he’ll be back later, he’s having a fight with his family.” Clary says, rolling her eyes.

“Oh?”

“Eh, Maryse isn’t happy he’s giving up the Institute for you, Izzy thinks he’s just scared, because of the whole Owl thing, and Jace is being Jace.” Clary tells him, shrugging her shoulders, returns her attention to her drawing.

“And you escaped here because?”

“Because I want to draw you a butterfly.” Clary answers, not looking up from her art. Magnus is frozen, as far as he knows, none of their friends know what has been happening with him, Alec had just told them they were both dealing with the aftermath of Lilith. But it _has_ been a month, and barring his journey to the desert with Cat, he hasn't left the loft once.

“How?”

“I’m not dumb, contrary to some popular opinion around the Institute.” Clary says, looking at Magnus with a smirk. “Alec and I have been talking since… well, since Max’s ceremony, about his fears, and the fact he nearly threw himself off a building because of me, and my mother. So, we talked. And then one day, shortly after the business with Lilith, he comes to me and asks if I know of any ways to help someone who self-harms, he promised me he wasn’t talking about himself, and considering he’d practically ordered the lot of us to leave you alone, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together, Magnus.” Then she gives him a sad little smile. “Besides, the butterfly on your cheek kind of tells its own story.”

“Oh.” Magnus says, brushing his fingers over Butterfly Ragnor. “Right.”

“Look, if there’s anyone in our group of friends who understands where you are coming from, it’s me.” Clary says, pulling up the bottom of her dress to show him lines of scarring on her thigh, a colourful butterfly drawn across the middle of them, tagged with the name Jocelyn, Magnus stares at the scars in shock, feels the urge to go and burn the world for this.

“Biscuit.”

“Simon’s the only one who knows, well, Jace knows now, too.” Clary explains, shrugging her shoulders, letting her dress fall back, covering the scars. “Sometimes the happiest looking people in the world are screaming inside, Magnus. You don’t have to hide from me.”

“Alexander said it was a problem in the mundane world.” Magnus says, resisting the urge to pull Clary into his arms and never, ever, _ever_ let her go.

“Yeah, not like anyone is doing anything about it, though, except those of us going through it.” Clary sneers, before sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “ _Anyway_ , will you let me draw you a butterfly?” she asks, Magnus sighs but nods, holding out his arm, Clary grins, grabs up her markers and kneels on the floor in front of the armchair. She doesn’t take his arm though, just cocks her head to the side, smile becoming a frown. “Is your arm healed?”

“What?”

“Your arm. It’s glamoured, right?” Clary asks, raising an eyebrow.

“How can you tell?” Magnus questions, frowning, Clary shrugs.

“It’s like… a flickering, I can catch a glimpse of what’s beneath, but nothing clear. Your face does it, too. It’s been happening since I met Raziel.”

“Oh.” Magnus exclaims, unsure of what to say to that, doesn’t really know how he feels about Clary even glimpsing his scars.

“Yeah. Now, come on, is your arm healed?”

“It’s healed enough.” Magnus replies, Clary frowns at him, but evidently decides to take his word because she grabs his arm and starts drawing a pair of beautiful butterflies with the markers, when she’s finished she grabs the black marker and names the first butterfly after herself, and the second butterfly ‘Dot’.

“Is she dead?” Clary asks, as she packs up her markers, Magnus reaches out a hand to stop her, slides off the chair onto the floor beside her and picks up the markers, raising a questioning eyebrow at Clary, who smiles at him and offers her thigh.

“She’s alive.” Magnus replies, as he starts drawing a butterfly for Clary, feels infinitely protective of her as the marker runs over the scars, some of them freshly healed, wonders if this is how Alec has been feeling these last few weeks, how Clary felt when she drew Dotterfly. “She’s in the Spiral Labyrinth, it’s probably going to be awhile before she leaves.”

“Oh, at least she’s alive.” Clary answers, a sad smile on her face. “I thought she was dead, I forgot you can feel for her magic.”

“She almost did die, but she’s strong, she’ll pull through.” He says, unashamedly drawing protective sigils in the butterfly’s wings, any little thing helps. When he’s finished drawing his butterfly he hesitates for a moment before naming it after himself, Clary smiles at him and rubs her fingers over the butterfly.

“Let’s make a deal.” She says, as she helps him pack up the markers, he raises an expectant eyebrow at her, and she hums. “We try to talk to each other before we hurt ourselves, okay? No matter the time of the day or night, you call, and if it’s within my power, I’ll answer, and the same the other way around. Alec might understand that you’re in a dark place, but it’s been my experience that no one really understands us like we understand us.”

“He’s trying.” Magnus replies, running his finger over Butterfly Ragnor, remembers the way the love on his arms had made him feel back the day all this began. “But you’re right, I don’t think he really understands why.”

“Well, we have to stick together, you and I, because we’re going to be marrying into this big, dumb, stupid family at some point, and I’m going to need your help not to murder the lot of them when they get ridiculous!”

“Shadowhuntery.” Magnus says, nodding his head in understanding, a grin forming on his face. “Fine, Biscuit, we have a deal.” Clary beams at him, and he rolls his eyes. “You’re so easy to please.”

“Don’t tell Jace, he hasn’t even taken me on a proper date yet!”

“What is it with Lightwood men?”

“Right?!” Clary exclaims, and they spend the rest of the morning whining about their respective Lightwoods and doodling absently on each other's skin. 

* * *

_Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through._  
_Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you._  
_Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you._  
_Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you._  
_Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you._  
_Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you._  
~Stand By You, Rachel Platten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to the Last Night by Skillet and omfg, now I want a Malec fic with self-harmer Alec and protective Magnus. Legit, go listen to the song and tell me you don't think the same!! Ugh, I just want my boys to be happy, but they're so easy to hurt. 
> 
> In unrelated news, I start therapy tomorrow, goody! :) So I may or may not write anything tomorrow.


	2. Pay the Boat Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serious discussions are had, and Alec gets a crash course in B99.

_When all of our friends are dead and just a memory,_  
_And we're side by side, it's always been just you and me,_  
_For all to see._  
  
_When our lives are over and all that remains,_  
_Are our skulls and bones let's take it to the grave._  
_And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms,_  
_I'll be buried here with you._  
_And I'll hold in these hands all that remains._  
~Skulls, Bastille

* * *

Alec comes back around lunch time to find Clary and Magnus cuddling on the couch, giggling at the TV.

“What are you watching?”

“Brooklyn Nine-Nine.” Clary answers, grinning at him, Alec raises an eyebrow and throws himself down on the couch, snuggles into Magnus’ side.

“Is it good?”

“Alexander, please do not tell me you haven’t seen this before?”

“Magnus come on, they don’t even have a recreational TV at the Institute, I had to go and buy my own. People _live_ there!” Clary exclaims, nudging Magnus, who mock-gasps.

“The horror. We have to start from season one, now!”

“No.” “Clary whines, but she’s already reaching for the remote. “I’m never going to catch up at this rate!”

“Oh?”

“I showed it to Jace the other week, and he can’t get enough of it, not that he understands most of it.” Clary says, as the first episode starts to play.

The three of them sit, cuddling on the couch, watching the show and joking about whether it’s true to Luke’s life.

* * *

Clary leaves at the end of season one, with threats that she will be back to binge watch with Magnus if Alec continues to be as confused as Jace does. Apparently not growing up in the Mundane world, or interacting with it very much at all, has meant the boys keep missing obvious pop culture references, all of which, Magnus seems to get.

“I missed you this morning.” Magnus says, after Clary leaves, pausing the show.  

“I’m sorry, everyone is freaking out about my decision to leave, so I decided to go to them, rather than have them invade your house.” Alec replies, rolling his eyes. “Then it was just a nightmare, I named Underhill my successor, just so I could leave.”

“Oh, you did not!” Magnus exclaims, laughing. “Your mother will die of a heart attack, the New York Institute _not_ in Lightwood hands, _again_?”

“Yeah. Dad’s portaling in from Idris later, and Underhill ruined all my plans.” Alec says, huffing. “I’m officially the New York Institute Liaison to the Downworld.”

“What?” Magnus asks, chuckling. “You were supposed to be quitting, not getting a _demotion_.”

“Well, the pay’s the same, and I pretty much get to carry on going to the Downworld Cabinet meetings, apparently that’s the entirety of my job.” Alec shrugs his shoulders, Magnus presses a hand to his forehead as he laughs, can’t stop laughing.

“Alexander, it’s-it’s really easy to quit a job. I can’t understand…” he trails off, shaking his head.

“You try telling him no! Besides, he’s a great guy, and he just wants to make sure we keep making progress with the Downworld. Besides, I _do_ kind of need a job.” Alec says, smirking. “Can’t live on your money forever.”

“Well, darling, you certainly could, I wouldn’t complain.” Magnus tells him, leaning forward to give him a kiss.

“I know.” Alec replies, smiling. “How are you today?”

“I’m fine, how are you?” Magnus replies, strangely meaning it, today is a good day.

“I’m fine now that I’m back here.” Alec murmurs, stealing another kiss. “What did Clary want?”

“Biscuit just wanted to check up on me, see how I’m doing. She’s smart, figured out I’m not _okay.”_ Magnus answers, holds his arm up to show Dotterfly and Butterfray.

“Oh.”

“Besides, she was probably going to ask about it at some point, apparently she’s been seeing through my glamours since her little chat with Raziel.” Magnus says, still not sure how he feels about this. “Just glimpses through my glamour, but I would have asked eventually if I was her.”

“Right, and so you guys decided to draw all over each other?” Alec asks, raising an eyebrow at all the random doodles littering Magnus’ visible skin.

“Oh, that. We had a good bitching session about our respective Lightwoods, and that comes with absent minded doodling.” Magnus replies, shrugging his shoulders, a grin on his face.

“Oh, and what about me could you possibly have to bitch about?” Alec questions, smirking.

“Oh, you know, this and that. But mostly the whole waking up alone thing.” Magnus tells him, voice turning serious. “You asked me once, if you could move in, and I stupidly said no. You’ve been living here for the last four weeks and despite how I’ve been feeling, the world hasn’t ended. I was afraid that if you moved in, I would be trapping myself in a cage, a cage I wouldn’t be able to escape when you died.”

“Magnus-“

“No, let me say this. I realized in that alleyway, Alexander, that it doesn’t even matter. I realized that I live and die with you.”

“No.” Alec says, shaking his head, sitting up, taking Magnus’ hands into his own and squeezing them so, so tightly. “No. I won’t allow it.”

“You don’t have a choice. My heart and my mind have already made their decisions, and they are in agreement.” Magnus explains, eyes burning with tears as a sad little smile pulls at his lips. “I’ve always been a fool in love.”

“You can’t. Magnus, not for me.” Alec whispers, so, so horrified. “ _Not for me_.”

“Haven’t we already established that I would give _anything_ for you?”

“Not your _life._ That’s _too much_.” Alec retorts, angrily shaking his head. “No. You can’t.”

“Unfortunately, my darling, it is not your choice to make. I don’t even think it’s my choice to make. A world without you in it, is not a world I can live in any longer.” The moment the words are out of his mouth, Magnus almost regrets them as Alec seems to just fall apart, becomes spineless, slumping into Magnus. Magnus wraps his arms around his Shadowhunter and refuses to let go.

“You’re going to die because of me.”

“No. No, never because of you.” Magnus answers, his voice little more than a whisper. “For love is strong as death, and true love cannot die.”

“I can’t.” Alec says, voice shaking. “I can’t, give me a minute.” Alec tells him, pulling away. “I just…“ he stands up, backs away, puts a great deal of distance between them, takes a few deep breaths in, before he flees down the hallway, grabbing his bow and arrows and heading up the stairwell to the roof. Magnus watches him go, a dark look in his eyes. His fingers twitch, and he feels an _intense_ need to open his scars again, instead he grabs his phone and goes to sit on his bed, one arm wrapped around his chest, the other holding his phone tightly as he types out a desperate text.

_I think I fucked up._

The reply is almost immediate.

_Butterfray is dead, fucked up? Or I kicked a puppy dog, fucked up?_

_The latter._

_You guys had the ‘we ride together, we die together, Malec for life’ talk, huh?_

_How did you know? Are you sure you didn’t get given psychic abilities when you had your chit-chat with Raziel?  
Also, Bad Boys, Biscuit? Now? _

_Come on, Magnus, I saw this coming a mile away! You chased him down the aisle, before even getting your first kiss, or even your first date, and you think you haven’t already tied your entire life to him?_  
_You fell in love with him the moment you laid eyes on him, you’re exhibit A that true love is real, as is love at first sight. He’s the only one still too blind to see it, since apparently, you’ve come to your senses._  
_And you all but said it today, 'I think it will kill me, waking up one day and knowing he's never coming back.'_  
_Bad Boys for life, man!_

_He’s not happy. :( He practically ran away from me._

_I mean, I don’t get that._

_???_

_Go find your lover boy, and tell him this, exactly._  
_‘Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee._  
_For whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge._  
_Thy people will be my people, thy God my God._  
_Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.’_

_Oh._

_Yeah, go tell your Lightwood he’s being a hypocritical ass with double standards!!!_

_Okay. :)  
Thank you!_

_Welcome, now go on, go get ‘em._

Magnus smiles, feels like a massive weight has lifted off of his chest as he goes to find his lover.

* * *

He finds his lover shooting arrows at a billboard across the street, arrow after arrow, he notes the way Alec’s shoulders tense when the door shuts behind Magnus, before the tension bleeds away as Alec looses the arrow.

_“Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee.”_

Magnus starts to speak, Alec gives a little gasp and lowers his bow, his entire body tensing up.

 _“For whither thou goest, I will go._  
_And where thou lodgest, I will lodge._  
_Thy people will be my people, thy God my God._  
_Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.”_

“Magnus.” Alec breathes, dropping his bow on the ground and turning to pull Magnus into his arms.

“Of the two of us, you should understand where I’m coming from, even more than I do, because you’ve already given your soul to another.” Magnus tells him, burying his face in Alec’s neck. “I wouldn’t survive losing you, not ever.”

“I know.”

“Then why?”

“Because I can’t stand the thought of being what finally pushes you over the edge.” Alec whispers, the words reluctant to pass between his lips, like now that he’s spoken them, they will come true.

“ _Never_.” Magnus promises, hands clenching in the back of Alec’s shirt. “Never. It would never be _you,_ Alexander. It would be the _absence_ of you. When we had our mini break up, there was this gaping hole my heart, I felt like I was carrying around something _dead,_ just dragging it everywhere I went, and then I stopped being an idiot, and we made up, and it went away. That was with you still living and breathing and interfering in my life in the most _annoying_ ways possible. I can’t fathom how bad it will be if you’re gone, for good.”

“Okay, fine, guess this just means I can _never_ die.” Alec states, Magnus laughs, eyes burning.

“Yes, obviously.” He replies, a wobbly smile on his face. “Come on, it’s cold out here, and I want to snuggle.”

“Whatever you want.” Alec promises, and lets Magnus lead him back inside, and they spend the rest of the night cuddling.

* * *

 _I don't want to rest in peace,_  
_I'd rather be the ghost that annoys you._  
_I hope you can make me laugh,_  
_Six feet down when we're bored of each other._  
  
_A match is our only light,_  
_It's day of the dead, I'm Indiana Jones here._  
_These coins sit upon our eyes,_  
_Pool our funds we'll pay the boat together._  
~Skulls, Bastille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still debating how they find out what Asmodeus took, like I can't figure out if I just want it to be like 'surprise!!!' or a massive tearjerker then 'SURPRISE!!!'. Writing is hard.


	3. I Know It Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a not so good day, a discovery is made, new fears surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a panic attack in this chapter, just letting y'all know.

_I know it hurts,_   
_It’s hard to breathe sometimes._   
_These nights are long,_   
_You’ve lost the will to fight._

_Is anybody out there?_   
_Can you lead me to the light?_   
_Is anybody out there?_   
_Tell me it’ll all be alright._   
_~Carry You, Ruelle_

* * *

Day 3 after Magnus’ magic unlocks is a bad day, on the scale of bad days it’s still pretty good, but it’s a bad day all the same. He doesn’t want to get out of bed, just lying there, cuddling his pillow and staring at nothing, wishing the fluttering ache in his chest would just. Go. Away.

“Magnus?” Alec asks behind him, when the Shadowhunter realizes he’s awake. Magnus gives a despondent little moan and rubs his face against the pillow, closing his eyes. Alec sighs, rolls over to pull Magnus into his arms and press a kiss to his neck. “It’s okay.” Magnus groans, turns in Alec’s arms and presses his forehead to Alec’s chest, hides his face, and _breathes_.

He doesn’t even understand how he feels. His skin is crawling, and his heart can’t make up its mind whether it’s in pain or anxious or both, and he feels like crying one second and laughing at nothing the next, or feeling like doing both together. He doesn’t understand, has never understood, but then, he thinks maybe no one has ever understood this.

There’d been so many days like this, back when his magic had been rotting inside of him, back when he could feel the darkness growing deeper and larger within him. When it was like a thick fog over his mind that he just couldn’t clear, that would grow thicker with every day. A darkness he had known would consume him whole if they couldn’t free his magic. The high from his magic being back is well and truly a thing of the past now.

“We can stay in bed today.” Alec tells him, rubbing his back, Magnus shakes his head.

“You have to go meet your father.” He says, even as his fingers clench in Alec’s sleepwear, clinging so tightly.

“He can wait.”

“Alexander-“

“I love you, you’re more important than anything, than anyone.” Alec promises, his arms tightening around Magnus. “I’m not going to leave you to fight your demons on your own.”

“I love you, too.” Magnus whispers, because even when his heart can’t figure out if it’s in pain or terrified, it knows it loves Alec Lightwood, that’s the only thing it knows.

“I know.”

* * *

The fog doesn’t go away, but it retreats bit by bit as the day goes on, and by dinner Magnus and Alec find themselves in front of the TV, watching a movie, Magnus bundled up in his fluffy dressing gown, snuggled into Alec’s side. He’s not really watching the movie, can’t even tell you what movie it is, his mind is just too chaotic to focus on that right now.

Part way through the movie, he feels the need to figure out what Alec sacrificed to save him, because they’ve been so busy with other things the last three days, they haven’t even looked into it. He lets his magic flow, it washes over Alec in a cool blue wave, and his Shadowhunter turns to frown at him, eyebrow raised.

Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with Alec, he’s in perfect health, almost too perfect. It’s eerie, especially since he was almost stabbed through the heart four weeks ago, and his body should still be recovering from that shock, even if Cat healed the injury itself. It doesn’t make any sense.

In the span of a few minutes, it becomes an obsession and he keeps running diagnostic after diagnostic, but they all tell him the exact same thing. There is _nothing_ wrong with Alec. Not even the lingering effects of the Hellfire that took Alec to Edom. There’s just _nothing_. Alec is in absolutely perfect health.

“Magnus?”

It doesn’t make any sense, and then one diagnostic gives him what he’s looking for, but it only gives him more questions than answers. Alec is not aging. Mortals age every second, slowly, oh so slowly, so when the effects of aging process start to show, they’re not a surprise because they’ve been coming on for a long time, bit by bit, but Alec? Alec is not aging. He is… frozen in time. How vampires are frozen, how Warlocks freeze after a certain amount of years. Alec is frozen. It doesn’t make any sense. Alec can’t be frozen, because that means his father _gave_ him Immortality, but that can’t be right. Unless…

He jumps in shock as fingers snap in front of his face, and he blinks a few times, shaking his head, gives Alec a small smile when he finally recognizes his lover. Alec is frowning at him, his eyes narrowed and concerned, his lips pulled into an unhappy frown.

“Maybe we should go back to bed?”

“No, no. I just... I’m figuring out what my father took.” Magnus tells him, grabs Alec’s wrist in his hands and squeezes tightly, desperately, like if he lets go, Alec will be gone. He realizes belatedly that he’s squeezing too hard, that his grip will leave bruises and he calls his magic forward to heal the damage he’s created but… there’s nothing, well, no, not nothing. “This is impossible.” He whispers, as his magic tells him that Alec’s wrist is healing itself, the crushed blood vessels fixing themselves, the blood already being reabsorbed.

“Magnus?”

“I-I think my father took your _mortality._ ” Magnus says, quietly, unbelieving, can’t wrap his mind around it.

“So, I’m immortal?”

“Yes, in the truest sense of the word. If I’m right, you _cannot_ die. Vampires, Warlocks, Angels, Demons, we’re Quasi-Immortal, can’t die from old age or sickness, but if you shoot me, I’m in just as much danger of bleeding out as a Shadowhunter or a mundane. But you? He didn’t _give_ you _immortality,_ he _took_ your _mortality._ Only Lilith has ever been cursed in such a way.” Magnus breathes, pressing his hand over Alec’s heart, feels it beating beneath his fingers, it’s the most precious thing in the world.  

“It’s not a curse. If I understand what you’re saying, I’m here, with you, for good.” Alec says, a happy smile forming on his face.

“Alexander-“

“It’s already done, Magnus, no matter how you personally feel about it. It’s already done. It’s gone, I’m not getting it back. I don’t _want_ it back. My mortality vs your immortality has been the elephant in the room since we started our relationship, and now it’s a non-issue. So, you’re just going to have to accept that I’m always going to be here, loving and caring for you.” Alec states, and Magnus’ heart swells in his chest, and he feels a sharp pain go through it, that stupid anxious feeling only grows worse, and suddenly he feels like he can’t breathe. “Magnus?”

“I can’t-“ He can’t breathe, he clutches at his chest with trembling hands, feels his heart racing, feels like suddenly his head is empty and he slumps forward, Alec catches him quickly, holds him steady.

“Magnus, Magnus, I need you to breathe, okay? I need you to breathe. Just breathe with me, okay?” Alec tells him, voice calm, even though Magnus knows he’s anything but. Magnus tries to focus on him, but it’s so _hard_. Each breath he takes his heart does this stupid little thing in his chest, it tingles and feels like someone is stabbing it all at the same time.

After what feels like a lifetime, the panicky feeling starts to abate, and he rests his head on Alec’s shoulder and takes shaking breaths in, his whole body quivering.

“What did I ever do right to deserve you?” Magnus asks, his voice trembling, Alec hums.

“You lived.” He says, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ temple. “You lived, and you loved, and you tried to do the best that you could for your people, and the world. _And_ you chased me down the aisle, _that_ was pretty impressive, too.” Magnus gives a breathless little chuckle and clenches his hands in Alec’s shirt. That anxious feeling he’s had in his heart all day is still there, but it’s somehow lesser now.

“Can we-can we go to bed?” He asks, just wanting to cuddle and do nothing else for the rest of the night, in answer, Alec pulls him fully into his arms and stands up.

“As you wish.”

It hasn’t been a good day, but on the scale of bad days, it’s been alright.

* * *

Magnus has nightmares all night, wakes in Alec’s arms each time, his Shadowhunter whispering sweet nothings to him, assuring him that he’s fine and that Alec is right there with him. It doesn’t make the nightmares go away.

_“I never should have given up my mortality for you.” Alec stands across from him, in a barren wasteland that looks so much like Edom._

_“Alexander.”_

_“Don’t call me that. Don’t you dare call me that. I gave up everything for you, and for what?” Alec snarls, throws his arms out to emphasise the wasteland around them. “I wish I’d just let you die.”_

_“Alec.” Magnus breathes, feels the way his heart is breaking in his chest, feels the way his eyes are burning._

_“You’re nothing but a monster, a freak. Your father is a demon, what good could you have ever possibly been? You-you tricked me, ensnared me with your magic, and now I can’t die. I’m just… stuck. You made me a_ freak like you _!”_

_“You love me.” Magnus whispers, voice broken, tears flowing down his face._

_“Yeah, well I thought I loved Jace once upon a time, too. I was wrong once, why not again? It’s over, Magnus. We’re done.”_

_“No.” Magnus begs, reaching forward for Alec, but the Shadowhunter pulls away._

_“It’s over.” Alec says again, walking away._

_“No, no, Alexander, please. Please. Please, come back. Please.” Magnus pleads, falling to his knees, choking on his sobs. “Please. Come back.”_

_“Wake up, Magnus. Wake up, darling. Please, I’m here, it’s just a dream.”_

Magnus wakes up crying, can’t seem to stop, even as strong arms hold him tightly, and a beloved voice whispers promises over and over again in his ear.

“It was just a dream, Magnus. I’m here, I’m right here. I love you.” Alec tells him, over and over again, but Magnus can’t get the dream out of his head.

“You’re going to hate me.”

“Never.” Alec promises, pressing a kiss to his lips, to his cheeks, to his forehead. “Never. I love you, and I will always love you, no matter what.”

“But how can you know?”

“Because true love cannot die.” Alec says, parroting Magnus’ own words back at him, and Magnus figures he deserved that.

“What if it can?” he asks, feels his heart ache at the thought.

“It can’t.”

“How can you know?”

“Magnus, darling, it was a dream, whatever it was. It wasn’t real, I love you, I will always love you. Nothing is ever going to part us.” Alec vows, and Magnus takes a shaking breath in.

“Okay.” He replies, giving in, letting himself hope, and pray, and believe, because he can’t do anything else. He’s already tied his life to Alec’s, for better or for worse.

* * *

_You are not alone,_   
_I’ve been here the whole time singing you a song (ooh)._   
_I will carry you, I will carry you._   
_(Is anybody out there?)_   
_I will carry you, I will carry you._   
_Is anybody out there?_

_I know it hurts,_   
_It’s hard to breathe sometimes._   
_~Carry You, Ruelle_


	4. 'Cause Inner Demons Don't Play Well With Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duty calls for Alec, and Magnus loses the fight against his inner demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is self harm in this chapter, my friends. Please be warned.

  _They say don't let them in,_  
_Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again._  
_But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own._  
_'Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire,_  
_Inner demons don't play by the rules._  
_They say "Just push them down, just fight them harder._  
_Why would you give up on it so soon?"_

_So angels, angels please just keep on fighting,_  
_Angels don't give up on me today._  
_'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting,_  
_'Cause inner demons just won't go away._  
~Inner Demons, Julia Brennan

* * *

They are both exhausted when morning comes, Magnus snaps his fingers and two potions vials appear on the bedside table, he takes one for himself and hands the other to Alec.

“The Warlock answer to mundane energy drinks.” Magnus explains to a blurry eyed Alec, before downing the potion, and shuddering at the taste. “Need to work on the flavour…”

“Definitely.” Alec agrees, making a face after downing his own potion.

“I’ll do that tonight, while you’re at the Cabinet Meeting.” Magnus decides, thankful to have something to do while Alec will be gone.

“I can skip if you need me to, Magnus.” Alec says, frowning.

“No. You can’t hold my hand the entire way through this, Alexander.”

“Watch me.” Alec replies, stubbornly, Magnus smiles at him, eyes shining.

“No, really. I am _actually_ centuries old, I don’t need a sitter, no matter how handsome and amazing they are.” Magnus says, leaning forward to steal a kiss.

“It has nothing to do with your age, Magnus. If you need me, then I will be here.” Alec promises, as if that’s all there is to it, and Magnus supposes that for Alec, it is.

“No, it’s okay. You’ve already changed your whole life for me, I’ll be fine on my own for one evening. Besides, you missed the last one, and now we don’t have any juicy gossip.” Magnus pouts, Alec laughs.

“Yeah, okay, fine. But you call if you need me, okay?”

“Promise.”

* * *

Alec gets called away just before lunch time, some emergency with the Vampires, if looks could kill, his phone would be most definitely dead.

“Go, it’s part of your job… that you failed at quitting.” Magnus says, smirking, Alec scowls.

“I didn’t fail. I just fell for puppy dog eyes.” Alec retorts, stealing a kiss. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yes, Alexander, you can go.” Magnus tells him, ignores the voice in his mind that screams for Alec to stay.

“You’re _sure_ you don’t want me to stay?”

“Yes.” Magnus says, smiling. _No._ His mind screams, but he shoves the voice down deep, can’t be this pathetic forever. He is a grown ass Warlock, who is legitimately centuries old! He does not need a babysitter!

“Okay, but call me if you need me, okay?”

“Promise.”

* * *

He perfects the Energy Potion within two hours of Alec leaving, by four in the afternoon, he’s revamped his entire potions collection, new flavours, new strengths, new _potions,_ and he has to stop brewing, can’t stop anxiously scratching his arms. He remembers this feeling oh so very, very well.

He tries to call Clary, but there’s no answer on her phone, and he figures she’s been sucked into whatever problem Alec has, she does have a Vampire best friend, after all. He almost calls Alec, but thinks better of it, imaging Alec in a fight suddenly distracted by his ringing cellphone, giving his enemies all the opening they need to slip in and hurt him, so he doesn’t, he sends one text, and puts the phone back in his pocket and scratches at his forehead in frustration.

He makes countless snowflakes, and even spends some time making them pretty and colourful and _dazzling,_ but eventually it’s not _enough,_ and every little thing he does, his thoughts start to wander, start to drift back to the darkest depths. Eventually he loses this fight, as he always, _always_ has.

He _rips_ the glamours from his arms, screaming as his magical channels tear and burn as the tethers snap. It’s a delicate process to remove tethered glamours, or it should be, but Magnus has never been gentle with himself. He trembles as he feels the magical backlash rush through him, his channels are on fire, and his core feels like it’s going to burn its way out of his chest.

When he can breathe without screaming again, he sees Dotterfly and Butterfray over his scars and he hisses, digs his nails into the beautiful butterflies, like he can scratch them out of his skin. Something so beautiful shouldn’t be tainted by adorning something so _ugly._ He conjures a blade and sits down in the middle of the living room and begins to cut the butterflies out of his arm.

The task consumes him for a little while, but the darkness is suffocating, and eventually it is not enough.

* * *

_I’m sorry. I love you._

A thousand thoughts rush through Alec’s mind, followed quickly by a cold settling on his heart, and a crushing fear weighing him down. He frantically dials Magnus’ number, but there is no answer, and Alec feels like he’s under water, struggling for breath. Magnus sent this _hours_ ago, about the time they were fighting a group of rogue vampires he thinks, might have been when they were fighting the Raums demons and Clary got herself laid up in the infirmary, or-. It’s been hours. No matter what he was doing at the time, it's been hours.

“Hey guys, I gotta go.” Alec tells Luke, Lorenzo, and Lily as they’ve moved onto the gossip part of the Cabinet meeting. He doesn’t wait for a response, except to turn to Lorenzo with a pleading look on his face. Lorenzo sighs heavily and follows Alec out of the Institute to create a portal for him.

“Just because he’s _still_ a Warlock under my protection. Otherwise, I’d make you walk.” Lorenzo promises as Alec steps through the portal. Alec doesn’t really like the guy, but at this point, he owes him at _least_ a gift basket or something. He steps out of the portal just outside the loft, and squares his shoulders, sucks in a deep breath and pushes through the doors, sees a body splayed out on the floor in the moonlight, and his heart stops.

“Magnus!” he screams, rushing across the room, throws himself to his knees, Magnus stirs, and Alec let’s out a relieved breath. “Magnus, Magnus, Magnus.” he says, over and over again, whispering like a prayer as he pulls Magnus into his arms, holds him tight.

“’Lec?” Magnus slurs, moaning. “’m sorry.” He mumbles, but Alec shakes his head.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here.” He whispers, his arms tightening around Magnus.

“I tried.”

“I know. It’s okay.” Alec promises, before sucking in a deep breath and letting it out again slowly. “Can you heal yourself?” Alec asks, wants no new scars to stain themselves onto Magnus’ skin, but Magnus is already shaking his head. “Okay, I’m going to get the first aid kit.” Alec tells him, letting go, Magnus’ scrambles to grab his arms, holding tight, some kind of primal fear in his eyes. “Hey, I’m just getting the kit and then I’m coming back, okay?” It takes Magnus what feels like a lifetime to finally nod, and relinquish his hold, Alec all but runs to get the first aid kit and come back, sinking to his knees.

“I’m sorry, I tried, I just-“

“It’s okay. I know.” Alec assures him, gently tending to the wounds Alec knows will soon become scars, sealing themselves on Magnus’ skin, forever a reminder of the suffering he commits against himself. “Let’s-let’s not draw butterflies for a little bit, okay?” Alec says, tenderly pressing a plaster over the spot on Magnus’ cheekbone where Butterfly Ragnor had proudly lived… and died, before he dresses the wounds on his arms, where Butterfray and Dotterfly had once resided.

“Okay.” Magnus agrees, quietly, before he lets out a soft gasp as he starts crying, Alec sighs and pulls him into his arms, rocking him.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Magnus snaps, taking heaving gasps in as he tries not to fall apart, but as always, he loses this fight, too, sinking into Alec’s grasp and surrendering himself to the gut-wrenching sobs that tear themselves from his throat. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He sobs, hands clenching tightly in Alec’s shirt, like if he lets go, Alec will leave him behind.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll get through this. It’s okay.” Alec whispers, holding him tight and closing his eyes. “It’ll be okay.”

* * *

  _So angels please, hear my prayer,_  
_Life is pain, life's not fair._  
_So angels please, please stay here,_  
_Take the pain, take the fear._

_They say it won't be hard,_  
_They can't see the battles in my heart._  
_But when I turn away,_  
_The demons seem to stay._  
_'Cause inner demons don't play well with angels,_  
_They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise._  
_Angels please protect me from these rebels,_  
_This is a battle I don't want to lose._  
~Inner Demons, Julia Brennan


	5. I Come To You In Pieces, So You Can Make Me Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary adopts Magnus, a discussion is had and Malec do not do things in their logical order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'u' key on my keyboard is breaking and I'm getting so pissed off!! There may or may not be missing u's in this, just letting you know...

_I'm here again,_  
_A thousand miles away from you._  
_A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am._  
_I tried so hard,_  
_Thought I could do this on my own._  
_I've lost so much along the way._  
~Pieces, Red

* * *

After a very long night of cuddling and crying in bed, they’d finally managed to fall asleep together around four am, so when his phone starts ringing at six, Alec groans and has to resist the _very_ reasonable urge to crush it.

“What?”                 

“Is Magnus okay?!” Clary yells in his ear, concern and panic in her voice.

“He’s… he had a bad night, but he’ll be okay.” Alec replies, watching his sleeping boyfriend.

“I’m so, so sorry. If I hadn’t been so stupid I could have-“

“Hey, this isn’t your fault, okay? It’s no one’s fault, it’s just how things happened.” Alec assures her, keeping his voice quiet so he doesn’t wake his Warlock. “I’m not coming in today, even if the world is ending.”

“No, I totally get that. I’ll let Jace tell everyone, since I’m confined to bed.”

“Gotta be more careful, Fairchild.”

“Always careful, Lightwood.” Clary snaps back, but Alec can hear the amusement in her voice, when she speaks next it is gone. “I-I’ve been working on a rune for him, since Lilith, it’s taken me some time because I know most runes don’t work on Downworlders, but i-it finally works on Simon and-“

“What is it?” Alec asks, confused, hadn’t known Clary had been working on any new runes, but then, he hadn’t spent really any time at the Institute in a month, so why would he know?

“I started working on it when you asked me how to help someone who self-harms, we talked about the TWLOHA’s movement again, and it got me thinking that there has to be a rune for love. Shadowhunter marriage runes aren’t really about love, they’re about unity and eternity, not love, and the Parabatai rune is all about unity in life and soul, and therefore in battle. But there’s nothing that’s just… love. Magnus told me the other day, that you wrote LOVE on his arms, when this all began. He told me that he’s seriously debating the merits of having your love tattooed on his arms forever, and it gave me the last thing I needed for the rune.” Clary explains, sounding uncertain.

“What are you saying, Clary?” Alec asks, even though he’s fairly certain he knows.

“I have a rune that if you draw it on Magnus, he’ll be able to activate it whenever he wants, and he’ll feel your love for him.”

“That’s amazing, Clary, really. But we’re not drawing anything on Magnus at the moment because he-“ Alec chokes, has to stop for a few moments and just breathe, before he clears his throat. “Because he cut the butterflies out of his skin.”

“Oh. I thought you said he was-“

“ _He will be_.” Alec promises, assures himself that Magnus’ is still sleeping when his lover moves a little in his sleep. “You’re sure the rune will work for him?”

“Yeah, I finally got it working for Simon, you can’t just draw the rune, you have to imbue it with your love at the same time, like when you give a warlock your strength, it’s the same principle.” Clary explains, sounding excited.

“You and Simon did this for Magnus?” Alec asks, grinning.

“Well, I did, Simon was just excited to help me out on a top-secret project.” Clary replies, laughing. “But if he’d known why we were doing it, he still totally would have been on board.”

“Thank you, I’ll talk to him about the rune, but-“

“It’s okay, you can’t rush these things, and if he takes the rune, you’re going to have to make sure he knows you’re going to love him no matter what. For the rest of your life, Alec, because if he gets down enough, gets dark enough, he’ll think he’s unworthy of your love and cut the rune out, too, and I don’t know what that will do, don’t know if he even can.” Clary cautions, and Alec takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly.

“Okay. Now, we both should be resting.” He tells her, feeling his eyelids starting to droop again, Clary snorts.

“I slept the sleep of the well drugged last night, I am perfectly rested.” Clary assures him, before sighing. “But I’ll let you go, give him my love.”

“I will.” Alec assures her, before ending the call, he puts the phone back on the bedside table and snuggles back up against Magnus and let’s sleep claim him once more.

* * *

Magnus wakes up around eight in the morning to his body on fire, his fingers twitch and spark as his magical channels begin to heal themselves from his stupidity the night before. He sucks in a pained breath and tries to blink away the tears that form in his eyes.

 _No wonder Camille left you. You’re such a burden._ A voice whispers in the back of his mind, and he takes a stuttering breath in, and lets it out again, then repeats the process, but it doesn’t help, he still feels his chest start to constrict, and his eyes sting with tears that just will not go away. _All your past lovers, they all died just to get away from you._

“Magnus.” Alec mumbles beside him in his sleep, curling into his side, and it’s the invitation Magnus’ body has been waiting for, because all of a sudden, the dam breaks, and he can’t stop crying, turns towards Alec to hide his face in Alec’s chest. Alec is awake in an instant, wrapping his arms around Magnus and just cradling him close as he cries.

“I’m sorry I’ve become such a burden.” Magnus whispers, Alec tenses up for just a second, before his body relaxes again.

“Hey, you could be blind, deaf, and mute and I’d still think you were the most independent and amazing person in the world. You’re not a burden. Everyone has times where they have to lean on someone else, Magnus, you’re just going through a rough time.” Alec promises, Magnus shakes his head.

“You didn’t agree to this when we agreed to be together.” Magnus argues, Alec snorts.

“We didn’t agree to anything, you chased me down the aisle and I made out with you in front of the Clave, and we mutually decided we should probably _actually_ go on a date. I don’t think we really discussed anything until that talk where you told me about your seventeen thousand past lovers. You have _seventeen thousand_ past lovers, and I’m still here, I didn’t let that put me off. And of all of them, _seventeen thousand people, I’m_ the one who is here, and I’m the one who is going to stay. So, if anyone is going to be a burden, it’s going to be me, because you’re stuck with me. I’m never going away, Magnus.”

“How come Lydia gets you down on one knee, and I get… whatever this is?” Magnus asks, smiling despite himself, despite the ache in his heart, and the voice in his mind that whispers that Alec will leave him, like all the rest, all seventeen thousand of them. Alec laughs.

“This isn’t me proposing marriage, I mean, I can if you want, but I figured you’d probably want something big and dramatic enough you can brag to all your Warlock buddies about. Don’t ruin my plans, Magnus.”

“Yo-you have plans?” Magnus questions, voice little more than a whisper. “Plans to propose to me?”

“Of course. I have plans within plans within plans, who do you take me for?” Alec asks, offended. “I have plans for the wedding and I haven’t even asked yet, okay? But this time, we’re not inviting the Clave, no thank you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not enamoured with the Clave anymore?” Alec says, uncertainly, frowning at Magnus, like he should already know this.

“No, I mean-I mean why do you want to marry me?” Magnus queries, voice quiet, lost, confused.

“Why wouldn’t I want to marry you?” Alec retorts, face scrunched up in such genuine confusion it makes Magnus’ heart hurt. This man is too good for him, deserves so much better. “You’re an amazing person, with a big heart, and even bigger personality, you’re beautiful-“

“No, I’m not.” Magnus snaps scratching at the dressing over his arm, Alec grabs his hand and holds it still.

“You’re beautiful. I told you once that there was nothing ugly about you, and I meant it. Not your eyes, not your scars, not your heart, _nothing_. You’re beautiful in every way possible, and if I have to spend the rest of forever convincing you of that, I will. You. Are. Beautiful. You are the love of my significantly extended life.” Alec promises, before he pauses, grabs his phone from the bedside table, Magnus watches him in confusion as he calls someone. “Hey, I’m proving a point. What do you think about Magnus?”

“Oh my god, Alec, _I love him_!” Clary’s voice squeals from the phone speaker, clearly high on some sort of pain killer, before she’s giggling guiltily. “Sorry, sorry, if you let me out, I’ll stop causing a scene! I’m fine!” she exclaims to someone else, before clearly turning her attention back to the phone. “I mean, I love him like a big brother, because you know I’m all about Jace, but he’s _amazing_ , Alec! He and Dot are my siblings from other mothers. He’s a beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure! _I will kill for him_ , so if you-“

“Okay, thank you, Clary!” Alec says quickly, hanging up before Clary can get into the shovel talk. “See, I’m not the only one who thinks you’re beautiful and amazing.” Alec points out to Magnus, smug. “You also, apparently, have a little sister now, so I wish you luck. They’re the most annoying things on the planet.”

“Oh, goody.” Magnus says, with a breathless little laugh, tears burning in his eyes. “But honestly, Alexander, my scars are-“

“They are proof that you survived. Proof that the world threw everything it had at you, and you still got back up.” Alec replies, cutting him off. He rests his hand over Magnus’s stomach, over the glamoured scars they both know are there and haven’t spoken about since the morning the glamour over them fell. “Even when you wanted to give in, even when you tried to, you survived. How can I think them ugly, when they’re the evidence that you are stronger than you know?”

“I’m not-“ Magnus argues, but Alec snorts.

“You are most definitely strong, Magnus. You’re _Magnus Bane_! Every Shadowhunter knows your name. Downworlders speak your name in awe. The Warlocks in this city are preparing to oust Lorenzo for everything that happened with Lilith, because _you_ got hurt. They don’t give a shit about the rest of us, but your magic was locked up inside you, you got hurt, and they’re _furious._ You have to be strong and powerful to be that well respected in this world.”

“Cat-Cat said they were waiting to lynch him.” Magnus says, frowning. “I just thought she was saying it to make me feel better.”

“No, no, they definitely were going to lynch him, I had to convince them otherwise. Now they’re just going to oust him and banish him from Brooklyn.” Alec replies, shrugging his shoulders. “Cat said they’re already talking about naming you High Warlock again, but I told her that might not be a good idea at the moment, but she’s… well, she’s Cat, so I don’t think she listened.” Magnus snorts.

“I’m emotionally compromised, I’m not currently High Warlock material.” Magnus says, grinning, before his eyes narrow. “Wait, why did you convince them not to lynch Lorenzo? We don’t like him, remember?”

“I owed him a favour.” Alec answers, awkwardly clearing his throat. “Anyway-“

“He’s the one who sent you to Edom.” Magnus murmurs, the realisation sudden and unwelcome. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Technically, I didn’t say anything about keeping _you_ from killing him, so that’s fair.” 

“I’m going to make him wish he was never born.” Magnus snaps, calling for his magic, only to scream in agony as his magic burns its way through his still healing channels and he lets go of it immediately. Lets it sink angrily back into his core, his hands twitching, and the tips of his fingers sparking once more.

“Magnus?” Alec asks, scared and concerned, Magnus gives him a distracted smile, breathing through the burning pain.

“I-I’m fine, I damaged my magical channels when I ripped the glamour off my arms, it’ll take a little time to heal.” Magnus explains, groaning. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Never.” Alec assures, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, and I could never love an idiot.”

“You loved _Jace_.” Magnus points out, incredulous. “Have you met Jace?” Alec laughs.

“Yeah, okay, good point. But that just means my quota for loving idiots has been filled.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” Magnus pouts, trailing his fingers over Alec’s deflect rune, Alec rolls his eyes.

“You’re not an idiot.” Alec states, rolling them so Magnus is resting on top of him, Magnus huffs and starts playing with the hair on Alec’s chest, over his heart. “You’re the man I love.”

“The Clave won’t accept our marriage. There won’t be a rune on the heart, and a rune on the hand.”  Magnus whispers, drawing the marriage rune that, by all rights, should already adorn Alec’s chest, and would if Magnus hadn’t chased him.

“I don’t care. The Clave can burn.” Alec tells him, voice hard. “Besides, Clary has made a rune for you.”

“What?” Magnus asks, taken aback. “For me?”

“Yes, there are some runes that work on Downworlders, and some that don’t. The marriage runes, of course, do not work on Downworlders. Clary has been working on a new rune with Simon, one just for you. If I draw it on you, imbue it with my love for you, you can activate it whenever you want and feel how much I love you.” Alec explains, tightening his arms around Magnus when Magnus goes to pull away. “You don’t have to accept it.” He says quickly, Magnus sighs and relaxes back against him.

“I think I would like that, is it part of your wedding plans?”

“No, Clary only told me this morning, I’m trying to factor it in. Honestly, my wedding plans mainly consist of us getting some quickie marriage in Las Vegas and then portal hopping around the world... and never coming back.”

“Eloping.” Magnus offers, laughing.

“Is that what they’re calling it now?” Alec asks, grinning. “We don’t need anyone else, just each other. But, you do probably want a nice big fancy wedding to rub in all the other Warlocks’ faces.”

“ _Yes_! Do you know how often we get married? It’s rare. Like, we plan the weddings, and then we never have time for them. So, it’s rare!” Magnus exclaims, smiling. “I want the _biggest_ wedding, bigger even than the Mundane Royal Wedding! They’ll talk about our wedding for _centuries._ ”

“We could get married on an Island somewhere? Invite the _whole_ Downworld, and a select few Shadowhunters and-“

“Oh, I own an Island.” Magnus says, as if just suddenly remembering, and Alec thinks he might have just. “Oh, I haven’t been there in centuries. Yes, let’s get married on the Island! Wait, you haven’t even asked me yet, stop this!” Magnus snaps, scowling at Alec, who just laughs.

“I mean, we had our first kiss before we started dating, why not plan our wedding before we’re even engaged?” he asks, and Magnus rubs his hand over his face, but he’s smiling.

“Okay, sure, let’s plan this wedding!”

* * *

 _I've come undone,_  
_But you make sense of who I am,_  
_Like puzzle pieces in your hand._  
_Then I see your face,_  
_I know I'm finally yours,_  
_I find everything I thought I lost before._  
_You call my name,_  
_I come to you in pieces,_  
_So you can make me whole._  
~Pieces, Red


	6. I Can't Count the Reasons I Should Stay, One By One, They All Just Fade Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret is revealed, apologies are given, and promises made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think next chapter will be the engagement, if I can work it in. :D 
> 
> Alternate song for this chapter, is actually what the title is from, and that's the 88's, At Least It Was Here.

_When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one,_  
 _A wonderful part of the mess that we made._  
 _We pick ourselves undone._  
  
_All of your flaws and all of my flaws, they lie there hand in hand,_  
 _Ones we've inherited, ones that we learn,_  
 _They pass from man to man._  
~Flaws, Bastille

* * *

They’re sitting out on the balcony after dinner, Magnus cradling his Irish Coffee to his chest, the only alcoholic drink Alec would accept him having, and then only one. Magnus looks out over the City That Never Sleeps and takes a deep breath in, coming to a decision he hopes he will not regret.

“I have to tell you something.” He says, turning to look at Alec, who is frowning at his own Irish Coffee like it has personally offended him, Magnus rolls his eyes. “It’s just coffee, cream, and whiskey.”

“You’ve ruined a perfectly good coffee.” Alec mutters, pouting, Magnus laughs, and shakes his head.

“I can’t believe you’re related to Isabelle.” He bemoans, Alec laughs, and puts the drink down on the table.

“Am I going to like what you have to tell me?” Alec asks, raising an eyebrow as Magnus takes a sip of his drink then puts it down beside Alec’s.

“No. In fact you’re probably going to be angry and guilty, and I need you to remember that I’m still here.” Magnus says, reaching forward to grab Alec’s hands in his own and hold them tight. “I need you to remember that.”

“Okay.” Alec promises, reluctant, doesn’t want to hear what Magnus has to say if it’s going to be as bad as Magnus thinks it will.

“After Valentine and I were swapped back to our own bodies,” Magnus starts, feels Alec flinch, and pauses for just a second before barrelling through, needs to get this off his chest. “and after you and all the others left. I grabbed a bottle of gin and my mother’s keris and I went and sat on the roof and I spent the night debating the pros and cons of stabbing myself or throwing myself off the building.” Alec’s grip on Magnus’ hands becomes incredibly tight, and Magnus thinks his bones might break, before Alec loosens his hold, takes a deep breath in, but Magnus doesn’t let him speak. “For every reason I had to go, I’d cut a tally mark into the back of my hand. For every reason I had to stay, I’d take a shot, I figured I’d probably die of alcohol poisoning if I did it the other way around.” He explains, takes a shaking breath in.

“When morning came, I was still sitting there, weighing the pros and the cons, and it didn’t matter anymore. I’d survived the night, like I had every night before, like I realized I would every night after. The sun had come up again and my world hadn’t ended. So, I magicked myself sober, healed my cuts before they even had a chance to _think_ about scarring. I locked myself away for a few days until I could smack a smile on my face, I changed my entire wardrobe, and prayed you’d never see through my defences. But you were pretty distracted anyway.”

“Magnus-“ Alec breathes his name, even then his voice breaks over it, and Magnus sucks in a breath, lets it out slowly.

“I hated you in that moment, you know? When you asked for a strand of my hair, because the _Clave wanted it._ All I could think about was how less than a week earlier, you strapped me to a chair, so I could be murdered because you had orders, and not even that was enough to get you resisting. I thought to myself, ‘how _much_ does he r _eally_ love me? Will he _ever_ choose me over the Clave? Will he be the death of me?’ and I couldn’t answer my own questions.” He says, shaking his head, a wobbly smile on his face as he tries not to cry. “I probably owe Dot my life, _again_. She came over, we talked, drank, danced, almost made a bad mistake, and she told me you were lucky to have me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then after she was gone, you came back, told me you loved me and that I never had to prove anything to you, and I almost folded, Alec, almost told you everything.”

“Why didn’t you?” Alec asks, wiping at the tears trying to fall from his eyes.

“Because for all the reasons I had to stay, you were the biggest, and the only one that actually mattered, and I thought if you knew, you’d stop loving me, and I’d have nothing left. So, I hid it all, and when you asked me what was wrong, I told you, but I only told you half the truth because I never wanted you to know about my scars, about Blackfriars Bridge, about any of it. So, I kept it all secret, until I didn’t have a choice anymore. And I had to tell you this, tonight, because I’m scared, Alec. I’m scared that one day you’ll leave me, and I’ll have no reason to stay.”

“I’m immortal now, I’m never leaving you.” Alec promises, but Magnus shakes his head.

“There’ll be a day that comes, maybe not tomorrow and maybe not for another half century or so, but there will come a day where you’ll wake up and hate being immortal, and you’ll hate me for being the reason.” Magnus tells him, pulling his hands free to rub at his dressings. 

“Let’s be clear, here. You aren’t the reason I’m immortal. You are the reason I went to Edom, your father is the reason I’m immortal, and I don’t hold you accountable for your father’s sins.” Alec explains, his tone brooking no argument. “Now, I love you, I will _always_ love you, and you’re forgetting one very, very important fact, Magnus Bane.”

“What?”

“Shadowhunters love only once, and they love fiercely. So, you’re going to have to get _real_ creative if you think you’re going to get rid of me this easily. You have a dark past, you are centuries old, Magnus, I doubt anyone could live as long as you have and not have skeletons in their closet. I love you, that’s not going to change because I find out maybe you killed a Shadowhunter once in a blue moon like four hundred years ago, from what I’ve read of our history, they probably deserved it, anyway, _if_ that happened. Or you drank yourself into a coma. Or I don’t know, anything, everything that you have yet to tell me, that you think I will leave you over. There’s nothing that will make me stop loving you, I _promise_.”

“Okay.” Magnus agrees, but he knows that it will take him time to truly believe, because he’s been left behind before. Given his heart away only to have it returned to him in pieces, and though he loves Alec in a way he’s never loved anyone before, he’s not naïve enough to believe that Alec doesn’t possess the ability to destroy him, because Alec has already done it before. “You’re not angry that I kept this from you?”

“I’m furious right now, just not at you. I’m furious about everything that happened with the agony rune and with Imogen, and just all of it. I’m just furious, and that’s not on you.” Alec assures him, reaching forward to claim Magnus’ hands again when Magnus frowns at him. “Magnus, you were tortured, and I realize now that I didn’t even… I just let you deal with it on your own until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I’m sorry for that.”

“That’s not your fault, I pushed you away.”

“I’m your boyfriend. I should have pushed back.” Alec retorts, shaking his head. “I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry about not believing you when you were in Valentine’s body, and I should have, and I know I should have because he was acting weird in yours. My only excuse was that I trusted Jace’s opinion too much, and when he assured me you were really Valentine, I should have looked into it further myself, and not just taken his word, and I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I'm sorry for strapping you in a chair and being willing to stand back while you were murdered. I’m sorry for coming after you for a strand of your hair, if I remember rightly, I told you not to be over-dramatic about it, and I’m sorry about that, too. Simon refused to give his DNA over, even though he knew he wasn’t guilty, and I wish I’d just let you say no and hadn’t made such a big deal of it, because you weren’t being unreasonable, I was. So, I’m sorry Magnus, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it before now.”

“Thank you, it’s okay, I forgave you a long time ago.” Magnus promises, blinking away tears.

“In future, please, _please_ , tell me if something I do has you thinking about killing yourself, because I’ll _never_ mean it. As you said a few days ago, Magnus, a world without you in it, is not one I can live in anymore.” Magnus gives a breathless little laugh, that quickly turns into a sob, that quickly turns into a full-on bawl, and he snuggles into Alec’s hold when Alec pulls him from the chair and into his lap, strong arms holding him tight.

“Why are you so perfect?” he asks, hiccuping into Alec’s neck, Alec snorts.

“I’m definitely not perfect, I just know what I want, and it’s you, and I’m going to do whatever I can to keep you.”

“Stop saying perfect things. You’re not supposed to make me cry!”

“Sorry, I missed that part of Relationship Class.” Alec tells him, “I was busy trying to keep Jace and Izzy from burning down the Institute.” He whispers, mock serious, Magnus gives a soft little laugh, and rubs at his eyes.

“I love you.” he sniffles, Alec grins and kisses him. 

“I love you, too.”

* * *

 _There's a hole in my soul,_  
 _I can't fill it, I can't fill it._  
 _There's a hole in my soul,_  
 _Can you fill it? Can you fill it?_  
  
_You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve,_  
 _And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground._  
 _Dig them up - let's finish what we started._  
 _Dig them up - so nothing's left unturned._  
~Flaws, Bastille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point Magnus is gonna be like 'okay, I'm done with crying, I'm never going to cry again!!' and that's mood, that's me every damn time my depressive episodes are over.


	7. I Choose You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec sends Magnus on a small journey, and someone gets down on one knee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went differently than I planned... 
> 
> Book Raphael is frozen at the physical age of 15 forEVER! I always like to headcanon that TV Raphael only appears older because it's a very powerful and intricate perma-glamour he had created for him.
> 
> It is' like 1:30 am and I have work in like 6 hours so uhm, goodnight?

_There was a time when I would have believed them,_   
_If they told me that you could not come true,_   
_Just love's illusion._   
_But then you found me,_   
_And everything changed,_   
_And I believe in something again._

_My whole heart,_  
 _Will be yours forever._  
 _This is a beautiful start,_  
 _To a lifelong love letter._  
~I Choose You, Sara Bareilles 

* * *

 

Magnus wakes up the next morning alone, he frowns as he sits up looking for Alec, he doesn’t find him, and his wards let him know that he’s alone in the loft. What he does find are rose petals scattered all over his bed and all over the floor, he stares at them in confusion before he notices the envelope on Alec’s pillow, he raises an eyebrow and picks it up, smells the rose scent on the paper, too, opening the envelope reveals a little card.

_Hey Magnus,_

_I love you, I have somethings to do today, but I planned out something fun for you to keep you distracted. If you go to Pandemonium, there’s something special waiting for you. I love you, and I’ll see you at the end of your journey._

_All my love,_

_Alexander._

Magnus frowns at the letter, not really keen to see crowds right now, but Pandemonium should be closed and empty since it’s so early in the morning. He pouts and flicks Alec a text message before going to find something to wear, since he’s apparently voluntarily leaving the loft for the first time in a month.

_I hope you kissed me goodbye before you left. And you owe me a kiss that I’ll actually remember!_

He’s putting on his ear cuff when his phone dings with a message.

_Always. Enjoy today, and remember, I’ll see you at the end._

Magnus still doesn’t know what Alec has planned, but he trusts him not to hurt him, so he puts on his make-up and portals through to his office in Pandemonium, finds rose petals scattered here too and knows he’s in the right place. He smiles and goes to look at the brightly wrapped parcel on his desk, with the note attached.

_Magnus,_

_I was supposed to be there to deliver this to you in person, but I’m currently confined to the infirmary, so I’m just going to have to imagine your face when you see it. I love you, and you better invite me to the Island! Yeah, Alec told me about the Island! You’ve been holding out, how could you?_

_Clary,_

_Your gorgeous little sister from another mother._

Magnus rolls his eyes and shakes his head, opening the parcel and frowning in confusion at its contents, a video camera and three mini discs with a sticky note over them saying ‘play us’. So, Magnus does.

 _“Is this thing on?”_ Alec asks, his voice coming out of the complete darkness of the screen, Magnus hears Clary laughing.

 _“You have to take the cap off!”_ she’s saying, and the next thing, Magnus is looking at Alec’s adorably confused face.

_“Oh.”_

_“You’re so cute.”_

_“Shut up, is it playing?”_

_“Yes. Go, talk, you’re wasting space!”_

_“Oh, oh okay. Uhm, hi Magnus!”_ Alec says, grinning at the camera, Magnus can’t help but smile back. _“Clary this is weird.”_ Alec hisses at her, still grinning at the camera, he moves just enough for Clary to be caught on the film, propped up in a bed Magnus’ recognizes as belonging to the Institute Infirmary.

“ _He can see and hear all of this, you know? You’re_ so _romantic! Let’s cut this and you can start again! Magnus, this is bloopers, I hope you saw the other two first, but if you didn’t, well, enjoy it.”_ Clary says, and Magnus laughs as the screen goes dark. Magnus replaces the disc, and grins as this time it opens up on Clary.

 _“Hi Magnus, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to do this part in person, but video is almost as good, right?”_ Clary asks, leaving just enough time for him to nod in agreement before she continues. _“Anyway, I’ve been devouring books in my quest to create a special rune for you, Alec says he’s already told you that I succeeded, but neither of you have seen the rune yet, so without further ado…”_ Clary clears her throat and holds up a sketchpad to the screen, Magnus sees a rune he’s sure he’s never seen before, altogether it looks like a slightly misshapen heart, with odd little wings on either side. It’s beautiful, and he’s excited by the prospect of wearing it one day. “ _This is the love rune. In my reading, I discovered this rune actually has a demonic counterpart that already exists, I’ll leave that for you to find, if you want to return the favour for Alec, since according to my readings, it’s harmless to Nephilim, but I’m sure you’ll read up on that more yourself. Alec’s getting twitchy, so I’ll let him record his now. Love you!! Bye_!” She blows him a kiss, before the screen fades to black, but Magnus is smiling, even as he sets himself the task of tracking down this demonic rune and anything there is on it.

He sighs and shakes himself of his thoughts and puts the last disc into the recorder to play.

 _“Hi Magnus! I love you and I hope you’re having a wonderful day, I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up, but I have a good reason, honest.”_ Alec greets, grinning. _“So, I have something a little fun planned today, because I have things I need to do. But I wanted you to come here as the start of your journey because this is where everything started for us. This is where Clary came into our lives and started us on the path to meeting each other.”_

_“Your welcome! Name your first kid after me!” Clary’s voice calls, sounding far away._

_“Shut up, Clary.” Alec hisses, but he’s laughing. “Anyway, Magnus, darling, I love you, and I hope you enjoy your journey today, and I will be waiting for you at the end, your next stop is the Hunter’s Moon.”_ Taking a leaf out of Clary’s book, he blows a kiss at the camera before it fades to black. Magnus smiles, feels his heart swell with love and fondness for his Shadowhunter, before he carefully packs up the video camera and the discs and magics them to the loft for safe keeping, then he creates a portal to the Hunter’s Moon and steps through, stares in surprise at the woman behind the counter.

“Magnus.” Maia greets, a bright smile for him. “Your lover boy wanted me to give you this.” She says, holding out a letter to him, Magnus smiles and takes the letter.

“Welcome back, Maia, we missed you.” He tells her, before opening the letter.

_Hi love,_

_Clary says I probably should have left this one out, but what does she know?_

_*hint, probably more than me since apparently, she’s had more than one relationship in her life, but whatever, she thought she was in love with a guy she thought was her brother, so we’re going to take her relationship advice with a grain of salt!_

_~Alec may have had a little bit to drink this morning, I promise I’ll stop him from day drinking in the future! CF.~_

_Anyway, this is where we had our first date, by the angel, it was so awkward! I can’t believe we almost totally broke up before even seeing if we’d be good together. What was wrong with us?! And Jace!! Man, we were having a moment, and Jace just ruined it. I can’t even call it cockblocking, because we didn’t even take the sex step until weeks later, but it was something blocking!_

_Anyway! That totally went off on a tangent, maybe I should have done the video thing again? I love you. And this was where we awkwardly started to learn about each other, and you told me about your seventeen thousand past lovers, and I told you about my none. That was so awkward. Thank the angel that neither of us ever have to do that awkward first date thing ever again._

_Maia has a present for you, and your next stop._

_All my love,_

_Alexander._

_PS. I didn’t want you to go to Tokyo without me, so we can do that again, later. Sorry._

Magnus laughs as he remembers their first date, how awkward the entire thing had been, the weirdness back at the loft when it seemed like they were going to break up before even officially becoming anything, and Jace’s horrible timing. He smiles and sends the note off to the loft, to join the video camera.

“Like I would miss this. Also, you have to invite me to the Island, Clary and I have already decided that we're stealing you away for a lovely moonlit night of drinking and gossip on the beach at some point." Maia tells him, and he grins at her, rolling his eyes.

"Why has Alexander been telling everyone about my Island?"

"Uh, because his boyfriend owns an Island? I'd tell everyone, too. Anyways, here you go, and your next stop is, don’t ask me why, _the hospital_.” Maia announces, handing him a little bag.

“What?” Magnus exclaims confused, Maia laughs and shakes her head.

“I said don’t ask me why, dude. I have no idea what your lover boy has planned.”

“Right.” Magnus says with a sigh, opening his gift, it’s an omamori, this one for love, Magnus smiles and puts it in his pocket with the other one. Protection and love. _Alexander_. ”I guess I’m off to the hospital then?” Magnus asks, still perplexed by the location, Maia grins at him and waves him on his way.

“Have fun.” Are her parting words as he steps through the portal to the hospital, finds Cat waiting for him with Madzie, who rushes forward to give him a hug. Magnus laughs, picks her up and spins her around.

“How is my favourite warlock?” he asks, ruffling her hair as he puts her back down, she grins at him happily and hands him an envelope, he raises an eyebrow at Cat who just smirks at him and shrugs her shoulders.

“Your lover boy is creative, and it’s nice to see you outside your loft, Mags.” She says, and Magnus just smiles, opens his envelope and reads the letter inside.

_Hi babe,_

_Clary said I probably shouldn’t do this one either, but that might be because she’s still confined to the Infirmary and HATES anything in the medical profession or to do with the medical profession. She’s adorable, and very, very high right now._

_I think you were too drunk to remember this, but on our not-quite-a-third-date I accidentally stood you up, you got drunk off your face at the Hunter’s Moon, and somewhere between the Hunter’s Moon and the Loft, you got into a fight with a demon of some sort, and when I tracked you down, I found you bleeding out in an alleyway. Because your magic always takes a turn for the not-helpful when you’re drunk out of your mind, so instead of automatically healing you, it just made you even more intoxicated. You were an absolute mess, love. So, I freaked out and called Cat, and she ordered me to take you to the hospital, so I brought you here, Cat healed you, and portalled us back to the loft so you could sleep everything off. You scared the hell out of me!_

_In the morning, you woke up and told me you’d had the best night ever, judging by the intensity of your hangover, but no. That was so not the case, even though I totally, totally let you think it was, so we wouldn’t argue over the fact that Jace made me late for our was-supposed-to-be-but-not-a-date. So, this is me coming clean._

_Also, I’m realizing that Jace is becoming a problem, Clary needs to sort out her boyfriend or I might dump him in the middle of the ocean for being a cockblock…_

_Anyway, I love you my darling. Sorry for standing you up accidentally on a not-date, and then covering it up because you were too drunk to remember._

_Cat has a gift for you, and your next stop._

_Love_

_Alexander_

_PS. Until we draw the rune._

Magnus blinks owlishly at the words, the confession in particular, but the PS as an afterthought and then at Cat, who frowns at him.

“What?”

“I got attacked by a demon?” he asks, and she starts laughing.

“Oh that. I forgot your magic always becomes the most useless thing in the world when you’re out of it.”

“Excuse me!” Magnus exclaims, offended, but he knows it is the truth, his magic is unpredictable when he’s too out of it to have any conscious control over it.

“Magnus, your magic was acting like a psychedelic drug, you were completely out of it. I was worried your heart was gonna stop!”

“Oh, sorry.” Magnus apologises, sheepish. “Anyway, Alec says you have something for me, and my next destination?

“Oh yes, here.” Cat holds out a box to him, he takes it and opens it to reveal an intricate bracelet, carved with the word ‘LOVE’ in Alec’s beautiful cursive, and he understands the PS now, as he puts the bracelet on, grinning. “How lovely. You picked a good one this time, Magnus.” Cat tells him, smiling, Magnus beams at her, because yes, he totally did. Alexander is special. “Okay, your next stop is Raphael’s.”

“Raphael’s out of the city?”

“Nah, he came back last night.” Cat says, shaking her head. “Go on, he’ll want to see you.” Magnus frowns and creates a portal, stepping through into Raphael’s living room, finds Raphael lying on the couch, glaring at the ceiling.

“Raphael?”

“Papa!” Raphael exclaims, sitting up quickly, Magnus starts at the term, one he hasn’t heard since Ragnor and Cat created a perma-glamour for Raphael decades ago to hide his true age, can’t go around looking fifteen forever.

“You-you haven’t called me that in a while.” Magnus says, goes to sit down on the couch beside him, frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Raphael replies, before a frown forms on his face and he sighs. “Were you gonna tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“I had to find out from _Tessa_ that you lost your magic.” Raphael mutters, turns to take Magnus’ wrists into his hands, fingers gentle over the dressings. “Were you going to call me on your deathbed, or were you just going to let me find out on my own after you were gone that I was an orphan?”

“I didn’t… you haven’t needed me in decades, Raphael.” Magnus whispers, guilt eating at his heart, because he wasn’t ever going to call Raphael. Truth be told he was going to disappear off into the night when it got far enough along, find somewhere that maybe wasn’t too horrible to die and end it all. Let none of his loved ones ever find his body, let their last memories of him be ones where he was breathing and alive, even if he wasn’t happy.

“You’re my _father,_ the only one that matters. I grew up, but you’re still important to me, papa. You’re still the first person I turn to when I’m hurt. You’re still the person I turn to when I need advice. You’re still my hero, probably because you keep rushing off to do heroic things without a care for yourself, and it _still_ pisses me off!” Raphael sighs, and pulls Magnus into a tight hug when Magnus’ looks like he’s going to fall apart. “I love you. I was _fifteen_ when you took me in, I was a child, you think that just because I grew up, moved out, started living a life that didn’t revolve around you, suddenly I stopped needing you? You chose to adopt an immortal son, I’m going to be needing you _forever_.”

“I’m sorry.” Magnus whispers, holding onto him so firmly. “Maybe I was the one who pulled away?”

“We both did, you were such a mother hen, papa.” Raphael groans, rolling his eyes. “I was 31!”

“I’m sorry, okay? You still looked like a sweet cherub then, can you blame me?” Magnus asks, grinning.

“Why do you think I got myself a new face?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, now we should probably get to the actual reason you’re here, before your lover boy comes looking for you.” Raphael says, pulling away, Magnus frowns.

“Can we all stop calling him my lover boy? It sounds so… I don’t know, like our relationship is less than it is.”

“Okay. Then let’s get to the point before your Better Half comes looking?” Raphael tries, smirks when Magnus’ gets such a dopey look on his face. “You two are sickening! Here.” He shoves a letter into Magnus’ hands, Magnus hums and uncrumples it.

_Darling,_

_Look who I managed to find!_

_Hope you enjoy your time with Raphael, because he’s your keeper for the day, by that I mean, you’re supposed to be doing some father-son bonding! Raphael has your next stop, but he promised not to tell you until it was time, so I’m holding him to that!_

_I love you, and you should totally spend more time with my future step-son. That’s going to be so weird, why is everything in our life weird? He almost ‘dated’ my sister? Is dated the right word? I don’t know. This is weird._

_Anyway, love, enjoy your bonding time!_

_Love,_

_Alexander_

Magnus bursts out laughing at the letter and buries his head in his hands.

“My life took a turn for the weird when I decided to let Shadowhunters in.” he mumbles, voice muffled by his hands, Raphael snorts.

“Word.”

And so, begins an epic day of father-son bonding, which mostly entails Magnus portaling them to a part of the world that’s night, and the two of them going on a Shadow World Bar Crawl amidst other interesting things, such as lantern festivals, dance competitions, karaoke, and slam poetry.

* * *

At seven pm New York time, Raphael lets Magnus know that it’s time for Magnus to move to the final step of his journey but could he please portal Raphael home first and not leave in a hurry _, again_ because this time Raphael _definitely_ has no alternate ride back.

“Where am I going?” Magnus asks, forming a portal for Raphael, Raphael smiles, pulls him into a crushing hug. 

“Home. Congratulations, papa.” Raphael tells him, pulling back and stepping through the portal before a bemused Magnus even has a chance to speak.

“Home.” He whispers, as Raphael’s portal dissipates. “Hmm.” He creates a portal and steps through, into the entrance way of his loft, which is shrouded in darkness, soft classical music playing, the only light coming from candles dotted around the room, and the soft moonlight. He hums as he sees the candlelit dinner out on the balcony, and the rose petals scattered all over the place. He can’t fight the smile on his face as he crosses the room, goes to inspect the dinner, complete with red wine. A throat clears behind him and he turns to find Alec, standing before him. “Alexander?”

“I love you, Magnus Bane, but before I asked you the most important question, I wanted you to know that there are people out there besides me who love you, who will always love you. People you can lean on when I’m busy doing other things, people you can bitch about me to when I’m being unreasonable about something. People to go drinking with you. People who will just be there for you when you need someone and I can't be there. _Family_.” Alec tells him, smiling. “And now, without further ado.” He clears his throat again and sinks down on one knee, holding a ring box in his hands, Magnus gasps softly and covers his mouth, tears springing up in his eyes.

“Alexander.”

“I love you, I want to spend forever with you. We're going to stumble, and we're going to fall, but we'll stand up together, stronger than before. Magnus Bane, will you do me the honour of being my husband for the rest of our stupidly long lives?” Alec asks, popping the lid on the box to reveal a stunning black-gold ring, the metal snaking over the top of a green gemstone, forming the wedded union rune.

“Isn’t it customary to give your intended your family ring?” Magnus asks, trying not to burst into hysteric, overjoyed sobs.

“Yeah, if we were going to be married by the Clave.” Alec replies, making a face, Magnus chuckles, wiping at the tears that have started to fall from his eyes. “I was kind of hoping you’d have said yes by now?”

“Yes, my Alexander, of course I’ll marry you.” Magnus says, smiling widely despite his tears. “You need to stop making me cry.” Alec laughs, and jumps to his feet, sweeping Magnus into a hug, pressing a multitude of kisses to his neck, to his cheek, before Magnus laughs and claims his lips.

* * *

“So, do you think your Warlock friends will be jealous?” Alec asks, as they’re sitting down to the beautiful dinner, after they’ve had a slow dance to the music, kissing and hugging the entire time, Magnus admiring the ring now adorning his finger.

“Yes, of course. They’re going to be so envious they might spontaneously combust!” Magnus tells him, grinning, can’t seem to stop, though he’s dubious of the food until Alec assures him he had a professional cook it.

So, they sit down to a lovely dinner, newly engaged, and it has been a good day, even if Magnus later learns that Alec changed his entire proposal plan just to include their family in the experience.

* * *

“You didn’t have me spend time with Izzy and Jace?” Magnus asks, as they’re crawling into bed that night, Alec snorts.

“Jace is currently busy trying to find a way home from Shanghai, Izzy is keeping an eye on him.” Alec explains, Magnus blinks.

“Shanghai?”

“Jace has a habit of ruining our special moments, even when he so doesn’t mean to, so his gift to _us_ today was that he was nowhere near us, and physically incapable of disturbing any of today's events, Izzy agreed to go with him just in case he got into any trouble.” Alec answers, shrugging his shoulders.

“Aww, that’s sweet.”

“Jace didn’t have a choice.” Alec tells him, serious, Magnus starts laughing.

“I love you. Never change.”

“I love you, too.” Alec murmurs, as they kiss, then Magnus pulls away suddenly. 

"Wait, when did you have time to call Raphael... and Maia?" he asks, seriously, Alec starts laughing, and doesn't answer. "Alec! You did all this with one night's planning?! Alec!"

* * *

 

_We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes,_   
_And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you._   
_I am not scared of the elements, I am underprepared._   
_But I am willing,_   
_And even better,_   
_I get to be the other half of you._

_Tell the world that we finally got it all right._  
 _I choose,_  
 _You, yeah._  
 _I will become yours and you will become mine._  
 _I choose,_  
 _You._  
~I Choose You, Sara Bareilles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec totally waited until Magnus fell asleep the night before and then called everyone to be like 'what are you doing tomorrow? Nah, you're coming here and helping me with this important thing! Here's what I need you to get.' 
> 
> I almost totally ruined the entire fucking engagement for myself by thinking 'rose petals, candle lit dinner, hmm... oh shit, this is how Giles found Jenny in Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and then I was like '... Alec's immortal so that's fine, that's okay, that can't happen...' I AM THE AUTHOR! WTF. How can I freak myself out like this?!?!


	8. I Know the Pieces Fit Because I Watched them Tumble Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations are made, and Malec have a long road to recovery, no matter what they want to call each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to do this chapter before I went on my impromptu drinking holiday down the line with a friend, but this chapter became so heavy so fast that I had to put it off until I got back.
> 
> I should point out that this chapter was meant to be happy in the afterglow of the engagement but uhm... yeah that plan died a swift death?! I'm so sorry!!!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Discussion of unhealthy relationships, and trauma flashbacks for You Are Not Your Own, oh also discussion of the Blackfriars Bridge

_I know the pieces fit 'cause I watched them tumble down._  
_No fault, none to blame, it doesn't mean I don't desire to,_  
_Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over._  
_To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication._  
_~_ Schism, Tool

* * *

“So, children.” Alec murmurs when he realizes Magnus is awake, admiring the ring on his finger.

“Do not.” Magnus exclaims, groaning. “Can we please get married first?” Alec grins and curls against him, snaking his arms around his lover, breathing in his sandalwood scent.

“That remains to be seen, I’m going to assume you have no exes circling around just waiting to crash our wedding?”

“No.” Magnus laughs and shakes his head. “There’s no one waiting in the wings to perform a Magnus Bane. That move was all me.” 

“Good, because I would probably shoot someone if they did that.”

“You would _not_!”

“I most definitely would.” Alec retorts, smirking. “ _Especially_ if it’s Camille.” He says, frowning when Magnus gives a full body shudder. “Magnus?”

“Camille has been on a pedestal in my mind since… the Blackfriars Bridge, even when she hurt me, I still thought the world of her because of what she did for me, but I realize now that she didn’t do it for me, none of it. She did it because she knew she’d have a powerful Warlock indebted to her.”

“What happened on the Blackfriars Bridge, Magnus? You’ve never said, you keep referring to it, but you never said what happened.” Alec asks, Magnus tenses up. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just curious.”

“No, I-I said I’d tell you.” Magnus whispers, turning in Alec’s arms to press himself as close as he can to the Shadowhunter, hides his face in Alec’s chest, his new-found favourite safe haven. “I-I don’t even really understand what drove me to do it. I’ve thought about suicide for centuries, Alec, but I’ve never… I _thought_ I’d never given in.” he mumbles, resits the urge to press his hands against the scars glamoured on his stomach, the attempt he doesn’t remember, will probably never remember with Ragnor now gone. “I was in a dark place, had been for a while, and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see a way out, except one.” His breath shakes as he breathes in, he takes a moment to pull himself together. “It was a dark and stormy night, and on my way home, I found myself standing on the ledge of the Blackfriars Bridge, and I couldn’t convince myself to get down, go home. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t talk myself down from the ledge, and then Camille was there. She-“ he stops talking, voice breaking and he shakes his head.

“She saved you.”

“She talked me off the ledge, helped me get through the dark days, until I could breathe again without wanting t-to just crawl into a hole and die.” Magnus whispers, stumbling over his words. “I’m forever going to be grateful to her for saving me, but I realize now that she never did it for me.”

“You can’t know that.” Alec says, stroking Magnus’ back.

“I can.” Magnus replies, looks at Alec with tears glimmering in his cat’s eyes. “I can because of _you_. Because you don’t demand magic in return for the care you provide.”

“What?” Alec exclaims, frowning. “Why would I?” he asks, sounding so genuinely horrified by the idea that Magnus feels his heart flutter in his chest in guilt.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, wanting to take his words back.

“No, don’t apologize. I’m just… when you say she demanded magic in return for her care, you mean she just left you to deal with your demons on your own unless you did magic for her?” Alec clarifies, Magnus shrugs his shoulders.

“It didn’t seem like it at the time. She was… so good to me, Alec. She made me feel like I was someone worthy of living, but I never realized how bad it all was until now. She used to make it seem like she did _so much_ for me, was so _caring_ , and wouldn’t it be _nice_ to pay her back for loving such an _unlovable person as me_? What was a little bit of magic when she would be there keeping my demons at bay? _I was a fool_.” Magnus mumbles, his voice breaking as he wipes at the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “She never cared for me, she just wanted my magic, and like a fool, I gave it to her. Gave her _everything_. The things I did for her-”

“Hey, you’re not a fool.” Alec states, his arms tightening around him. “You were vulnerable, Magnus. You were in a bad place, and she took advantage of that. That-that’s not your fault, okay?”

“But-“

‘No. It’s not your fault. You were in a vulnerable place, we do questionable things when we’re vulnerable, you know that, darling. But it doesn’t-it doesn’t matter now, whatever you did with Camille, for Camille. All that matters now is us, don’t judge yourself so harshly for something that is so firmly in the past. I love you, I have no ulterior motives, I just love you. I want you to live. I want you to be happy. _I love you.”_ Alec promises, kissing Magnus like he’s the only thing that matters.

“I love you, too.” Magnus whispers against his lips when they break for air.

“I love you, and I hate Camille for what she did to you, but I’m so grateful to her for what she did that night, because if it wasn’t for her, we would never have met. So, if she shows up unannounced at our wedding, I won’t shoot her, but if Clary gets it in her mind to use her sunlight rune, I won’t stop her either.” Alec says, smirking, Magnus chuckles and rests their foreheads together.

“She won’t be there, she’s still in Clave custody.” Alec makes a face at this and Magnus frowns. “What?”

“You’ve been in isolation for the last month, I’m so sorry, I thought someone would have told you.” Alec murmurs, sighing. “There was a mass break out at the Gard when we were dealing with Lilith. Camille was one of the ones who got free.”

“Oh.” Magnus breathes, pulling away and sitting up, stunned.

“Magnus?” Alec asks, sitting up and reaching for him, he stops when Magnus flinches away. “Darling?”

“She’s going to be furious. She’s going to be absolutely furious… with _me_.” Magnus whispers, resists the urge to throw up his wards, to hide out. “I sent her to the Clave, she’s never going to forgive that, and she is _cruel_ when she is betrayed.” Magnus explains, turns to grab Alec’s arms, squeezing them so tightly. “She’s going to come for you, use you against me. You have to…” he pauses, his eyes drawn to the ring on his finger as the light catches it. “W-we can’t. It's a b-beacon. I-I can't watch her hurt you, Alec. I-I can't.” he stutters, starting to cry as he tries to pull the ring from his finger, but Alec’s hands close around his, squeezing. "I can't."

“Magnus, I’m going to stake the bitch myself if she interferes in our relationship in anyway. If she comes for you, she’s dead. If she comes for me, she’s dead. I’m not going to let some vampire take you away from me. It’s not happening, and if you think I’m going to just let you walk away from _us_ now because of her? That’s not happening.” Alec promises, a cold, dark look in his eyes, and Magnus’ breath hitches, he gags and pulls away from Alec, flees the bed, frantically scrambling away until his back hits the wall, he sinks to his knees, gasping for breath.

_Cold, dark eyes, no recognition, no remorse, no regret._

_Pleading, but no one cares. They’re Shadowhunters, why would they? But Alexander-_

_“Alexander, please.”_

_Nothing. No recognition. No empathy. No sympathy. No regret. No nothing. Just cold. Cold and dark._

_Please, please, don’t. Please. Please. Please. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Please. Please. Please. Please. Alexander, please! Don’t do this. Please. Please. Please._

"Magnus."

_Lilith save me, I don’t want to die._

"Magnus."

_Please. Please. Please. Please. Please._

“Magnus.”

_“Alexander, please!”_

“Magnus!” Magnus gasps, and jolts forward, breathing hard and fast, he looks around himself, disorientated, and distantly recognizes his bedroom as he tries to control his breathing, tries to calm his pounding heart. “Magnus?” he flinches, unconsciously pulling away from the voice, trying to get away but hitting the wall and trying to curl into that instead. “It’s okay, Magnus. I-I’m over here, I’m-I’m nowhere near you. It’s okay. It’s alright.” Magnus glances towards the voice and realizes that it’s true, Alec is pressed up against the opposite wall, as far away as he can be without leaving the room. A part of him, a part that feels so vaguely far away, hates how that comforts him, how it eases the pressure on his chest, so he can breathe, because he loves Alec, wants to spend the rest of his life with him. Wants to _marry_ him, so why the hell does he feel better when Alec is nowhere near him? It should never be that way, should always be the other way around.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, pulling his knees up and curling his arms around his legs.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. You had a flashback, darling, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.” Magnus mumbles and can’t seem to figure out what else there is to say. _I’m sorry for being a burden. I’m sorry for freaking out. I’m sorry for letting you see this. I’m sorry for not hiding better. I’m sorry for being so fragile. I’m sorry for being so needy. I’m-_

“It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, just breathe, Magnus.”

“I’m sorry.” He sounds like a broken record, and faintly he recognizes that, but he can’t seem to stop. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, darling, it’s okay. You’re okay. It’s alright.” Alec soothes, but every time he moves, even just to hold his hand out, Magnus flinches and he hates it. He _loves_ Alec, he’s not afraid of _Alec._ It’s _Alec,_ his Alexander, his lover, his Shadowhunter, his _fiancé._

_The man who stood back and was going to let him die.  
_

“I’m sorry.” he mumbles, squishing the thought, stamping on it, let it not have time to sink in, to fester.

“It’s okay.”

He doesn’t know how long they spend like that, suspended in time. Magnus curled into one wall, and Alec trying to sink into the other, Magnus apologizing over and over and over again and Alec assuring him it is okay, but when Magnus finally feels like he can stand Alec’s touch without wanting to jump out the window just to get away, it feels like an entire lifetime has passed.

“I’m so sorry.” He sobs, holding his arms out to Alec, who moves slowly but urgently to his side, pulling him close.

“It’s okay.” Alec whispers, rubbing his back, pressing a kiss to his forehead and just holding him. “It’s okay.”

“I should have come clean before.” Magnus mumbles, his entire body trembling, feeling like it’s going to shake itself apart, terrified that Alec will pull away now that Magnus can finally stomach his touch. “You-you really scared me, Alec, w-when you were going to let Imogen k-k-kill me.”

“I’m sorry, Magnus.”

“I-I thought I’d gotten over it, but sometimes, I just can’t…” he takes a shuddering breath in and closes his eyes, shaking his head. His hands clench into the back of Alec’s shirt and he can’t make himself let go, even as he has to stamp down on the urge to just. _Get. Away._ “I-I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Magnus. You were tortured, I stood by and let it happen, I threw you in a chair knowing you were going to be murdered, I-I’m sorry for just letting you deal with it on your own. It’s not something you have to just _get over,_ and I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was.” Alec says, rocking them gently. “You take as long as you need to process everything, okay? I’ll be here, or wherever you need me to be, alright?”

“I’m not scared of you.” Magnus assures him, even though he remembers the mind numbing fear when Alec shoved him into the wall, when Alec pushed him down into that chair, even though he’s just barely pushing down the urge to get as far away from Alec as possible, by any means at his disposal.

“Part of you is, and that’s okay, Magnus. I-I _hurt_ you, you’re allowed to be scared of me.”

“You’re my fiancé!”

“So? I _hurt_ you. Jace is my _parabatai_ and I still jump out of my skin whenever he gets too close to me. Our souls are bonded and him just being near me still has my skin crawling. I don’t know how you’ve been hiding this for so long when-“

“It’s not all the time!” Magnus exclaims, cutting him off. “Just sometimes when you move too fast or when you get this look in your eyes or when-. It just-it comes and it goes, Alexander. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Magnus. This is just something we have to talk about more and work through together, okay?”

“Okay." Magnus whispers, even though he doesn't want to talk about this anymore, even though he doesn't ever want to discuss this again. Just wants the fear and the flashbacks and just all of it to go away. Even though he knows it won't. "Okay." he repeats, clinging as tightly to Alec as he can and pushes his fear as far deep down as possible. He loves this man. Loves him with his whole heart. Will do _anything_ to keep him, even if it destroys him in the end.

* * *

  _There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away,_  
_Mildewed and smoldering._  
  
_Cold silence,_  
_Has a tendency,_  
_To atrophy any,_  
_Sense of compassion,_  
_Between supposed lovers._  
_Between supposed lovers._  
  
_I know the pieces fit._  
~Schism, Tool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who just realized that You Are Not Your Own isn't all that far from Erchomai time wise since apparently they've only been dating for like two months?! (three if you include this fic) This girl!!! Guess who just figured out that Magnus still has to be totally, totally fucked up by the fact his boyfriend was gonna let him be murdered in cold blood because not even the smallest doubt that it was him was enough to stop him?!! This girl!!! Guess who wants to throw herself into the sun because her heart is broken?! This girl!!!!


	9. Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets a visit from his Not-Your-Step-Sister-anymore and learns some family history as well the lore around the love rune.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be something totally different like Clary or Raphael dropping by, but then I got back into watching Lucifer, and Maze decided she wanted to pop in. 
> 
> Because I'm mixing and matching bits of Lucifer and Shadowhunters (and a smidge of Supernatural) canon (and putting my own unique spin on things), I've decided that Lilith is the unofficial Mother of Warlocks, since she's the mother of Demons, Eve is the mother of the Nights Children, despite letting everyone believe that title goes to Hecate, and Adam is the father of Werewolves, thus the Downworld spawns from the primordial man and women.

After the horrible start to the morning, Magnus finds himself sitting out on the balcony, cradling a cup of coffee in his hands like it is the holy grail, and staring into nothing. Alec’s somewhere else in the loft talking on the phone with the Institute, some new developments with the prisoners who escaped the Gard, or something, Magnus hadn’t really been listening when Alec had begged his leave, so here he is, sitting out in the sun, glaring at nothing and thinking of all the things he shouldn’t be, when he feels someone cross the wards, hears a knocking at the door. He frowns at it and magics it open to reveal a face he definitely wasn’t expecting to see.

“Maze, if you’re here to get revenge for your mother, please refrain.” Magnus groans, waving the woman in, she smirks at him as she crosses the boundary line, the door swinging shut behind her. 

“Why would I piss off your father for _her_? She’s big enough and ugly enough to fight her own battles.” Maze asks, snagging a bottle of vodka on her way to sit beside Magnus on the balcony, Magnus gives the bottle a longing look and Maze raises an eyebrow at him. “Problem?”

“I’m abstaining… for reasons.” He says, unconsciously running his hands over his dressings, Maze sighs.

“Boring.” She mutters, taking a swig of the vodka.

“Why are you here, Maze?” Magnus asks, noting for the first time how the gem on his ring has started flashing in a way similar to the necklace he once charmed for Camille. “Shouldn’t you be torturing the damned in hell?”

“Haven’t you heard? Lucifer broke out, so did his mother. We’re earthlings, now.” Maze tells him, rolling her eyes.

“Excuse me? _Lucifer_ broke out?” Magnus exclaims, wonders how many shocks he can handle today, how many jail breaks he’s going to have to hear about.

“Hmm, more like the Big Idiot Upstairs got tired of trying to keep him in, but who am I to judge? Your entire family is full of idiots.” Maze bemoans, taking another swig.

“Excuse you, _our_ entire family, your mother did marry my father for a small span of eternity. Also, Lucifer is here, on earth, and the world isn’t ending?”

“We've been here since 2011, chill. Besides, he’s too busy solving crimes and trying to get into my flatmate’s pants, succeeding, so far.” Maze says, making a face.

“Excuse me? Aren't there enough Warlock's running around with Greater Demon parents?”

“Mhm. I’ll tell him to drop by and visit so you can talk some sense into him?”

“By Lilith, _no_. Thank you, but no.” Magnus assures her quickly, holding his hand out in surrender. “ _Do not_.”

“What, you don’t want to see your uncle?” Maze asks, smirking. “I’m going to tell him that! You know, he’ll be so upset, little Maggie doesn’t wanna see him!? He'll be _heartbroken."_ she exclaims, grinning. "Oh, but there’s just family reunions going on all over the place. Your grandmother, your uncles, why not just throw a party, get it all over with at once? Oh, wait, aren’t you getting married?”

“It happened last night!” Magnus snaps at her, scrubbing at his face. “How can you possibly know?”

“Magnus, you’re wearing an engagement ring with the angelic rune for wedded union on it?” Maze exclaims, laughing. “It’s not that hard to figure out.”

“Oh.”

“Magnus?” Alec asks, appearing in the doorway, phone still tucked to his ear. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, Alexander, just catching up with my sister.” Magnus says, grinning at the way Alec makes a face that's gold-fish and deer in headlights all at once.

“Step-sister!” Maze corrects immediately, shaking her head. “And our parents divorced, so not even your step-sister anymore!”

“Fine, then I won’t invite you to the wedding.” Magnus retorts, poking his tongue out.

“You weren’t going to invite me anyway, you’re marrying a _Shadowhunter_! _They kill people like me_!” Maze hisses at him, Magnus shrugs.

“They kill people like me, too, and you don’t see me complaining.”

“Ugh. You’ve always been such a brat!”

“That’s better than what you used to call me.” Magnus says, smirking.

“I could-“

“Not in front of Alexander!” Magnus yells, shaking his head. “No.”

“Okay, then go away, Alexander. Baby brother and I need to chit-chat.” Maze says, waving Alec away, Alec frowns at her, glances at Magnus and heads back inside when Magnus just gives him thumbs up.

“Why are you really here, Maze?”

“Your father sent me a fire message to check up on you.” She replies, making a face.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I told him to mind his own business, but you know how it is.” She explains, shrugging her shoulders.

“Well, since you’re here, you might actually be able to help me.” Magnus says, putting down his drink on the table and conjuring a notebook and pen, scribbles out Clary’s love rune in the notebook. “There’s supposed to be a demonic variation of this.” He explains, handing over the book. “It’s-“

“Where did you get this?” Maze asks, a cold edge to her tone.

“Uhm, my friend drew it. She creates or re-creates runes that the Nephilim have lost or never had access to in the first place.” Magnus explains, frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t an angelic rune. It’s Adamic.” Maze explains, tracing her fingers over the rune. “This is the rune that Lilith and Eve drew on Adam when they married, they imbued it with the purest form of their love for him, so he would always know how much they loved him.” She says, taking the pen from Magnus and drawing half the misshapen heart. “This was Lilith.” Then she draws the other half. “This was Eve. Despite what the stories now say, Adam loved Lilith and Eve together, they were wed together, they made lives together, they _loved together,_ yes, it was against God’s will, but Goddess loved Eve and Lilith, they were her creations, the only hand she ever had in the making of humans, she was enamoured with them, so God left them to it _.”_

“Over time, Adam grew to be too prideful with God’s encouragement, and Lilith fought against him, refused to bow down to his ego any more than she already had, and they cast her out. Some years later, a serpent tricked Eve into eating from the Tree of Knowledge, and she shared the forbidden fruit with Adam, they were cast out. Adam became angry with Eve, blaming her for his exile, and not knowing where else to go, she fled to Lilith’s side, became the Mother of Night, and Adam was left to wonder the earth alone.” Maze sighs heavily and draws a new rune on the page, it’s looks like yin and yang in the shape of a heart. “This is the counterpart you are talking about. This is the rune Adam drew on Lilith and Eve. This is Lilith.” Maze says, tapping the pen to the Yin. “And this is Eve.” Maze taps the Yang. “Adam imbued the runes with the purest form of his love for _both_ of his wives, so they would know that he loved them equally, that they held equal parts of his heart even as they were as different as night and day.”

“But-but clearly they fell out of love? Even with the runes.” Magnus says, confused, conflicted.

“No.” Maze answers, a sardonic smile on her face. “I’m sure you’ve learnt by now that sometimes love isn’t enough? You can love someone with your whole heart, and they can love you back the same, and sometimes it's still not enough for them to stay?”

“Yes.” Magnus whispers, feels his heart ache at the thought of all those he’s loved and lost, because love wasn’t enough to make them stay. “Yes, I understand.”

“If you’re thinking about drawing these runes on yourself and pretty-boy, you’re going to have to be certain, because they’re forever, Magnus. No one can remove them once they are drawn, and believe me, I’ve seen my mothers try.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not trying to put you off, I just want you to be certain.”

“I know. Will they still work if it’s just Alexander and I? We don’t have a third.”

“You don’t need one.” Maze tells him laughing. “The runes are all about love whether you're a triad or a couple, and the Yin and Yang represents your being willing to accept Alec's good and bad sides and loving him with your whole heart anyway, no regrets, no fears, no doubts.

“Well, that’s not going to work then.” Magnus admits grudgingly, sighing heavily.

“Magnus?”

“Alec and I are working through some things at the moment. He’ll have no problems drawing the rune for me, but I can’t… After a run in with Azazel I ended up body swapped with a prisoner in Clave custody, I was tortured and nearly killed. Alec had a hand in both.”

“You want me to-“

“No!” Magnus exclaims, when he sees Maze pulling out her blades. “No, no, no, we’re working through it! _Mazikeen,_ come on, I agreed to marry him!”

“I’ll let him off easy this time.” Maze acquiesces, putting her blades away. “Next time he tortures you, in your body or not, knowingly or not, I’m going to show him just what it means to be Hell’s Number One.”

“Aww, I didn’t know you cared.” Magnus replies, blushing, Maze snorts and rolls her eyes.

“I’m serious.” She tells him, narrowing her eyes, before smiling brightly at him. “Now, Alec can still draw Adam’s rune on you, it’ll work for you as intended, whenever you want, just activate it and feel his pure love for you. But if you don’t draw Lilith and Eve’s rune on him in the ceremony, you won’t be able to draw it on him afterwards, because of how the rune was designed. The other option you have is this one.” Maze turns to a new page and draws what Magnus recognises as the Celtic Love Knot. “You can both draw it on each other and it will bind your hearts and souls together, you’ll feel each other, similar to the way Shadowhunters feel their _Parabatai,_ and you’ll still be able to have Adam’s rune drawn on you.”

“What rune is this?” Magnus asks, tracing his fingers over the Love Knot.

“This is the rune Eve and Lilith drew on each other when they married. If you choose to take this rune, you’ll always know if the other is safe, and always be able to find them if you get separated, and always know what the other is feeling.”  

“How do you know so much about this? Wasn’t all of that before your time?”

“All the Lilim and Eve’s true-spawn know the story, and they know about the runes. Our mothers taught us to be wary of love.” Maze explains, shrugging her shoulders. “In turn, I want you to be careful. He’s a _Shadowhunter,_ Magnus. He kills our kind, how many of your cousins do you think have died because of him or his family? How many of my brothers and sisters do you think he has killed just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time?”

“He’s not like that.” Magnus answers, pushes down the thought in his mind that whispers _not anymore._ “He’s cursed, anyways, so I don’t see him staying with the Clave long term.”

“Oh?”

“Dad took his mortality.”

_“Oh.”_

“Yeah.” Magnus says, sighing. “So, he’s with me to the end of time and I’m just trying not to think of all the ways things could go wrong.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Maze tells him, patting him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it and send me a video from your wedding! Now, I better get out of here before your lover realizes I’m a demon and tries to kill me. That would not go well!” She says pushing to her feet. “Remember, he hurts you, intentional or no, and I _break_ him!”

“Maze!”

“I love you too, little brother!” she coos, ruffling his hair. “Enjoy your wedding!" and then she's gone, slipping out the front door as if she was never there. 

"Ugh. I hate family reunions!" Magnus exclaims, looking at the runes in front of him. "If Lucifer shows up, I might scream. _Wait._ Grandmother. She said Grandmother. Oh my Goddess!" Magnus whines, throwing his head back and groaning. "Just let me love in peace!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to re-organize my plan now, since Maze decided to throw a giant fucking spanner into the works.


	10. Hell Is For Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maze's visit stirs up fears and memories Magnus thought long laid to rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: depiction of torture of a child and child abuse (canon typical... I mean, Johnathan just knocks everything out the damn park) 
> 
> This chapter has had a make over like four different times? Each time it became something totally different...
> 
> Please do not kill me!!!! And now it's like 1am and I have work in like 6-7 hours so... goodnight!! PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME!
> 
> Ayah is father in Indonesian.

_They cry in the dark,_  
 _So you can't see their tears._  
 _They hide in the light,_  
 _So you can't see their fears._  
 _Forgive and forget,_  
 _All the while,_  
 _Love and pain become one and the same,_  
 _In the eyes of a wounded child._  
Hell Is for Children, Pat Benatar

* * *

“So, you have a sister?” Alec asks, sinking down into the chair next to Magnus’, Magnus hums as he’s pulled from his very soft dozing, rubbing at his eyes.

“Alexander, I have more siblings than you can possibly know. I had to create a memory spell just to remember them all.” Magnus replies, with a sleepy smile. “My father is the personification of Lust, you did know that, right?”

“No.”

“Oh. Anyway, you’ve had unfortunate meetings with some of my siblings already.”

“Huh?”

“The Asmodai. They are the demonic children of Asmodeus, just as the Lilim are the demonic children of Lilith.”

“The Asmodai? Y-you killed your sibling for me, on the beach.” Alec breathes, horrified. “Magnus-“

“I’d kill my father for you. I’d lay all my brothers and sisters, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles to the ground for you.” Magnus replies, a serious look on his face. “The thing you need to understand about my family, Alexander, is that we love stupidly and fiercely, and all consuming. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

“Magnus, I’m sorry, I-“

“It’s okay, besides, Tarea had it coming. I’d gladly take out more of my siblings.” Magnus says, smirking. “ _I’m_ dad’s favourite and they can’t stand it!” Alec laughs and rubs at his eyes.

“Wow.”

“Shut up, if you had ever met Lela you’d understand.” Magnus replies, rolling his eyes. “Most of my siblings are impossible. Maze murdered and maimed a good bunch of them when our parents were married just because they pissed her off.” Magnus says, sighing. “Honestly, they should have known not to get in her face, she’s _protected.”_

“How come I never met Maze before?” Alec asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Uhm.” Magnus whispers, twisting the engagement ring nervously. “You managed to be amicable with my father, I assume, since I didn’t hear anything about him being attacked during your visit, so I’m trusting you here, Alec. I _like_ Maze.”

“Hey, you can always trust me.”

“Right. Maze is one of the Lilim and Lucifer’s right hand, she’s also considered Hell’s best and brightest torturer.” Magnus explains, cringing and waiting for an explosion.

“Oh. So, she-she’s a demon?” Alec asks, blinking at Magnus, who sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

“Yeah.”

“Right. Uhm, Azazel and the Asmodai aside, are all the demons in your family so… civil?”

“What?” Magnus asks, staring dumbly at Alec. “You’re not mad?”

“Magnus, you’re a _warlock._ I kind of figured that any family you had dropping by would be demons, warlocks, or not actually blood related? Since it’s kind of impossible for anyone of your mother’s family to still be alive?”

“Oh, right. Good point. Also, if a lady drops by calling herself Goddess, you can’t blame that on me, okay?”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Magnus says quickly, looking around, like he suddenly expects his grandmother to just appear out of nowhere, summoned by the very mention of her name. “Never mind, just forget I said anything. Anyway, what was your call about?”

“Uhm, okay. Apparently, Camille showed up at the Du Mort, the clan decided to banish her from the entire New York area? So, that apparently happened. Also, Lorenzo has officially been ousted and banished from Brooklyn? I don’t know who is replacing him.”

“Oh, well, whoever they pick, it better be someone good.”

“Word.”

* * *

After Maze’s visit and the subsequent discussion with Alec, sleep is something that doesn’t find Magnus that night, even after Alec has long drifted into peaceful slumber, Magnus lies awake, the Sandman refusing to claim him. Eventually, so he can’t disturb Alec with his tossing and turning, Magnus leaves, goes to lie down on the couch and stare at nothing, hoping against hope that eventually he’ll give in to sleep. Ultimately, he does fall into sleep, but it is not restful, and riddled with nightmares, memories.

_He gasps as he’s pulled out of the water, strong hands holding him by the hair, and from somewhere that sounds vaguely far away he can hear his father’s voice._

_“Where is your brother, Arcana?”_

_“I wouldn’t know, father. He’s not my responsibility.” His sister replies, indifferent. Magnus doesn’t hear his father’s reply as he’s shoved back under the water, feels the panic building in his chest, alongside his magic that he can still barely control, still barely understands._

_He frantically claws at the hand holding him under, but they’re so much stronger than he is. Black spots start to appear in his vision as the magic within him reaches its breaking point and bursts out of him in a massive shockwave, and the blackness rises to claim him._

_He wakes with a painful gasp, his entire body feels stiff and achy and his head hurts, his throat and chest burning, he lets out a little whimper, feels arms tighten around him._

_“Shh, little one, you’re alright.” His father’s voice whispers in his ear in his native tongue and he feels some of the tension leave his body, even as he’s still taking gasping breaths in. His father snaps something in a language he’s only just starting to recognize as Enochian, and Magnus grips his arm tightly and whimpers. “Hush, I’m not speaking to you, little fighter, you just breathe.”_

_“He’s a weakling, father. Why did you bring him here?” Magnus flinches away from Abraxas’ voice, remembers Abraxas holding him under the water._

_“You’re_ all _weaklings.” His father replies, annoyed. “The lot of you, I send a single one of you Above, and you do not return. I send a dozen of you Above, you do not return. You can’t even best a single Shadowhunter and you want to stand there and talk to me of weakness?”_

_“We will do better, father.” Arcana promises, and Magnus’ breath hitches, his father strokes his hair and shushes him._

_“You will not, Arcana, the two of you will get out of my face, and if you come near your brother again, I’ll smite you myself. That goes for the rest of your siblings who think like you. I’m not going to have my children murdering each other._ I _am king here, and I will be_ obeyed _!”_

_“Yes father, sorry father.” It is the last thing Magnus hears as he falls back into the darkness._

_He wakes dangling from the ceiling by his arm, feels the ache in his shoulder that lets him know it’s dislocated. He groans and tries to figure out which sibling has decided to make his life a literal hell, again, just so he fits in the surroundings._

_“Father never should have brought you here, you know? You’re never going to be like us, and eventually he’ll realize what a pathetic waste of space you are, and then we’ll really get to have some fun.”_

_"You know what happened with Darcia, Lela.”  
_

_“Darcia was a fool, she let you keep your memories of who attacked you, so you could go running to father when she let you go. But I’m not quite that foolish. My mother was a memory demon, you see?” Lela tells him, a vicious smirk distorting her face. “You’re too pretty for Edom, little brother, let’s make sure you fit down here.” She says, her fingers morphing into claws, he screams as she starts tearing at him over and over again._

_“I always knew you had a death wish, Lela.” A familiar voice calls, sounding far, far away, even as the tearing stops. “But I didn’t think you were_ this _stupid.”_

_Magnus’ blood bubbles in his throat with every failed breath he tries to take and he feels a fog settle itself down on his mind._

_“Magnus, just breathe for me, alright?” that same voice says to him now, he’s sure. His name is Magnus, right? Yes, it has to be. “Lucifer, do something.”_

_“Healing is not exactly my forte, Maze!” an unfamiliar voice says, Magnus stares blearily up at the figure who appears in his vision. “He’s kind of cute, though, looks just like Azzy did when we were growing up. Would be a shame for him to die.”_

_“Lucifer!”_

_“Fine, fine. I’m healing him.” Lucifer replies, sounding put upon, Magnus groans as he feels a wave of hot magic burn its way through his entire body. “Yes, see, if I was a healer that would be much more pleasant, but I missed healing class to go prank Amenadiel with Azrael.”_

_“You had classes in heaven?” Maze asks, laughing._

_“I-Now is not the time for this, Maze.” Lucifer snaps, and Magnus giggles before the darkness swirls up from within and engulfs him._

_He wakes up screaming, his entire body writhing and burning, and he can’t get away._

_“See, I told you hellfire hurts him! Isn’t that just the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard? He’s the son of a Greater Demon and he screams at a little hellfire?”_

_“Stop it, Duana, you know father will kill us if he finds out about this.”_

_“Oh, come on, Keaira, this is Edom, if father didn’t want us to do this, he shouldn’t have brought the Weakling here. What did he think would happen?”_

“Magnus.”

_The flames lick at his skin in a great mockery of a caress and no matter what he does, he can’t get away, screaming and begging, but the voices don’t seem to care._

“Magnus. Wake up.”

_“Ayah!” he screams for his father, tries to call up his magic, but it’s already doing everything it can to protect him, to make sure he doesn’t burn. “Ayah!”_

“Magnus, wake up!!”

Magnus wakes with a scream dying in his throat, and he gasps in a breath, frantically looking around him, takes him a moment to recognize his own loft and the man gasping beside him clawing at his throat, desperate for air. Magnus looks down at his hands and lets the magic go immediately and Alec gasps in a breath.

“Alexander!” Magnus exclaims, horrified. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Alec coughs and rubs at his throat.

“I’m fine, are you?” Alec asks, voice a little hoarse.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No. I was getting up to get a drink.” Alec lies, and Magnus is too exhausted to call him on it.

“Oh.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asks, rubbing at his eyes.

“No, no, definitely not. I’ve put that entire ordeal behind me.” Magnus says, shaking his head. “I’m good, I’m fine.”

“You know you can talk to me.” Alec presses, frowning at him, and Magnus sighs.

“I’m fine. I just… my childhood. Father and I spent a few years in Edom after he took me off the streets, my siblings were... not pleased. Eventually, when I was about thirteen, my father realized what was happening, so we came back Above, and both of us pretended we never went to Edom.” Magnus admits, feels the fear that’s crawling in his chest, fear he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in centuries.

“Clary and Jace said Jonathan didn’t have a pleasant time in Edom, was it… anything like that for you?” Alec asks, and Magnus shudders.

“Yes.” He whispers, flinches when he feels Alec’s arms wrap around him, he takes a deep breath in and then collapses into his boyfriends hold, but he doesn’t cry, has cried all the tears he ever will for his time in Edom as a child, now there is just… acceptance and something he wants to call apathy, but knows it is not. “Jonathan was of the Lilim, as unorthodox as his birth was, eventually he became a true demon, one of Lilith’s favourites. I can’t imagine the Lilim were kinder on him than the Asmodai were to me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s done, centuries ago. I got over it.” Magnus replies, as if that is all there is to it, and for him, it is. There’s no changing what he went through, there’s no taking it back, no making it better. What was done, is done. “You can go back to bed if you want?” Magnus mumbles, going to pull away, but Alec’s arms simply tighten around him, holding him in place.

“I’ve told you before, I’m not going to leave you to fight your demons on your own. You do realize that I’m a Shadowhunter, right? I was born to fight demons?” Alec points out, Magnus laughs and buries his face in Alec’s neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now talk to me, I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s eating at you.” Alec pleads, so they spend the rest of the night cuddling on the couch, Magnus telling Alec all about his horrific time in Edom.

* * *

 

_Because hell, hell is for children,_  
 _And you know that their little lives can become such a mess._  
 _Hell, hell is for children,_  
 _And you shouldn't have to pay for your love,_  
 _With your bones and your flesh._  
~Hell Is for Children, Pat Benatar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec's totally gonna go punch all of Magnus' siblings in the face, like all of them. And Asmodeus is just gonna be there like 'welp... I mean, you can't say you didn't have this coming?!'


	11. Hold Back the River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec wakes alone, Malec are a train wreck, Raphael has a confession, and Magnus makes a vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to update last night but AO3 was down?! Like wth?

_Tried to keep you close to me,_   
_But life got in between._   
_Tried to square not being there,_   
_But think that I should have been._

_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes._   
_Hold back the river, so I,_   
_Can stop for a minute and see where you hide._   
_Hold back the river, hold back._   
_~Hold Back the River, James Bay_

* * *

Alec wakes up on the couch on his own the next morning, he sighs and pushes himself up, looking around for his lover, frowning when he’s not anywhere immediately to be found.

“Magnus?” he calls, standing up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Magnus?” he moves through the loft, searching for his lover, finds him in the guest room and pauses in the doorway, a fond smile on his face at the sight that greets him.

Magnus is fast asleep on the bed, Raphael curled up against his side, with his head resting on Magnus’ chest, they both look so peaceful. Alec coos softly then leaves them to it, heading to the kitchen to make breakfast for himself, since Magnus is a late riser, anyway, and, well, Raphael's a vampire.

* * *

“Hey, everything okay?” Alec asks, when Magnus wanders out at around midday, rubbing at his eyes.

“Yes, of course.” Magnus replies, giving Alec a sleepy smile as he sinks down into a chair at the dining table. “Camille always makes Raphael a bit uneasy… she makes the both of us uneasy.” He corrects, sighing. “He was just letting me know what I already knew, Camille is out for my blood.”

“Ah. Well, we’ll deal with it if she makes a move.” Alec says, jumping up to make them something for lunch, during the last four weeks he’s become something of a whiz in the kitchen, with simple foods, necessity and practice makes perfect and all that. Wasn’t like Magnus could just magic them up something, and there’s only so many times you can have take out before you want something homemade.

“You know I can just magic us up something?” Magnus asks, after watching Alec for a few minutes, Alec snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Wasn’t it you who told me once that you didn’t always have to use magic for everything?” Alec retorts, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, that was before I lost my magic.” Magnus answers, immediately regretting it when Alec flinches. “Sorry, you’re right.”

“Magnus-“

“No, I don’t want to talk about it.” Magnus says, quickly, cutting off whatever Alec might have to say. “All we seem to talk about is me, what about you? How are you doing? You said Jace still makes you jumpy, how’s that coming along?” Magnus asks, changing the subject, Alec sighs.

“Jace and I are getting there, it’s different now than it would have been before, because we’d have worked it out in training or in the heat of battle by now, but we don’t… well, it’s just different.” He replies, shrugging his shoulders.

“Because you don’t do any of that anymore because of me. I... guess this is why we keep talking about me…” Magnus points out, feels an immense guilt settle on his chest.

“It’s not a bad thing, Magnus, and Jace and I will get through it. And anyway, we were always going to go separate ways in life, it’s just what happens. Because we’re denied the right to love each other, eventually we find others, and we love them instead, and the parabatai bond becomes something we cherish, but it stops being the most important bond in our lives _. You’re_ the most important person in my life, Magnus. You know that, right?” Alec asks, sounding genuinely concerned, Magnus smiles.

“Yes.” He says, feeling his heart swell. “And you’re the most important person in my life… besides Raphael, of course.” Alec laughs and rolls his eyes.

“I’ll allow it, also when we have our own-“

“Stop.” Magnus says, throwing his hands up. “Stop, stop. Let us get married first, by Lilith.”

“Eww, she’s so not invited to our wedding!” Alec responds, without missing a beat, Magnus blinks at him in stunned confusion, before he finally puts the dots together and bursts out laughing.

“No, definitely not. Can you imagine?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Alec exclaims, shaking his head and groaning in despair. "You have good family members, right? Like… siblings and stuff? Otherwise only Maze is invited.” Magnus snorts.

“There’s a handful, I’m… kind of more concerned about who might show up from the divine side of things, not the demonic.”

“What?”

“Uhm. You-you realize that God is my grandfather, right? And Goddess is my grandmother? And-and all the angels, like all of them, are my aunts and uncles?” Magnus asks, sounding uncertain, Alec freezes in the middle of cutting tomatoes and stares blankly at Magnus. “Alec?” Magnus says, starting to get worried when a full minute passes and Alec still doesn’t move or speak, Magnus is unsure if Alec’s even still breathing. “Alexander?”

“I-I-I-I-“ Alec starts, but seems incapable of moving any further along with whatever it is he’s trying to say and Magnus starts to genuinely panic.

“You didn’t think about it, did you?” he exclaims, his breath speeding up. “Okay, okay, it’s okay. Just breathe. Oh my god, just breathe.” Magnus murmurs to himself, trying not give in to the panic, to the voice that screams at him that Alec will pull away, that it will all be too much, and Alec will leave. That this will be the straw that finally breaks the camel’s back. This thing that he thought Alec would have figured out the moment he found out who Magnus’ father was, but no, apparently not, and oh god, what if this is it? Why the _hell_ did he just assume?

“You two are a train wreck, honestly!” Raphael’s voice cuts in, he appears at Alec’s side, lightly shoves Alec and then goes to sit by Magnus’ side. “Just breathe, Papa, okay? In, one, two, three, and out, two, three, and in-“

“By the Angel!” Alec exclaims, his brain finally coming back online. “Wow!” he yells, putting the knife down and just going to sit down on the edge of the couch, blinking at the floor.

“Please don’t actually go into shock.” Raphael snarks, rolling his eyes, as Magnus’ continues to do the breathing exercises. “Breathe, papa, and you,” Raphael says, pointing at Alec. “stop freaking out.”

“I’m marrying into divinity.” He says with a hysteric little giggle.

“You’re marrying into the demonic, too. And, Lightwood, you _are_ divinity?” Raphael points out, shaking his head. “Honestly, papa, you could pick any soul on this planet and you pick _this_ one? Are you sure?”

“The heart wants what the heart wants.” Magnus answers, feeling like he can breathe without the world threatening to collapse around him.

“Your heart is an idiot.”

“Raphael!” Magnus whines, but he’s smiling. “I mean, you’re not wrong but, _still_.”

“You wound me, darling.” Alec says, pressing his hand to his heart. “You wound me deep.”

“Are you done freaking out?” Magnus asks, quirking an eyebrow, Alec rolls his eyes.

“Yes, I’ve had my freak out moment, I’m done. I’m good.” He promises, grinning. “I’m better than good.”

“Excellent, then can you get on with lunch? I’m _starving.”_ Magnus moans, Alec starts laughing.

“I see how it is, you only want me for my cooking.”

“Please, darling, your cooking was _horrible_ until a few weeks ago, trust me, that’s not what is keeping this relationship alive.”

“ _Rude!”_

* * *

Raphael spends the day hovering anxiously around Magnus, who allows it with a grace Alec doesn’t understand, but supposes he should, since Magnus has _definitely_ been letting Alec manage him these last few weeks.

“Okay, Raphael, out with it.” Magnus finally says, after nightfall, when Raphael’s still hovering around like a helicopter child.

“What?”

“Is there a threat I need to know about?” Magnus asks, raising an eyebrow, Raphael hesitates and Magnus’ entire body language changes in the span of a second, he sits up straighter, his shoulders tensing as if in preparation for a fight, and his face becomes like stone. “Raphael. Tell me.”

“I know about the Blackfriars Bridge.” Raphael says, glancing uncertainly towards Alec, then back to Magnus, who can’t hide his flinch.

“Raphael-“

“Camille threw it in my face when we decided to banish her.” Raphael explains, clenching his hands into fists. “She’s lucky Lily held me back.”

“She should not have told you.” Magnus says, feels his chest tighten. “I-“

“You don’t have to explain it to me, papa, honest. I-I’ve been there, you know I’ve been there, you’re the one who saved me. So, I-I get it. I just, it’s just scary to think what might have happened if she wasn’t there, if she hadn’t saved you. If you were dead and gone by the time I was born, by the time I was running around half crazed and lusting for blood. Where would I be now? Probably ashes on the wind. Fifteen years old, and that would have been it, my life over.” Raphael admits, gives a strangled little laugh, then he just seems to crumble. “I guess she fucking saved both of us, didn’t she?” Magnus is moving before Alec even realizes, pulling Raphael into his arms and holding on tight, the both of them sinking to their knees.

“She didn’t save you, Raphael. She didn’t save either of us. She _used_ us. There’s a difference.” Magnus explains, his voice shaking with grief and something else, some primal rage that Alec can’t even name. “Don’t think about what might have been, because it wasn’t. Okay? We’re both here, now, together. Just think about that.”

“I'm trying. But I almost _lost you,_ and you didn’t even _tell me_.” Raphael replies, sobbing and clinging to Magnus so, so tightly. Alec takes a breath in and retreats from the room, gives them privacy. “You didn’t even tell me, weren’t even going to give me a courtesy call. Weren’t even going to let me say goodbye. Why?”

“Oh, my sweet boy, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t.”

“You’re the only family I have left, papa, and you were going to _leave me_.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Magnus whispers, his heart breaking. “I’m so sorry.” He repeats, just holding Raphael as he cries. And he vows in his mind, that he’s going to get Camille for this. He warned her once, he’s not going to warn her again.

* * *

_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes._   
_Hold back the river, so I,_   
_Can stop for a minute and be by your side._   
_Hold back the river, hold._

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander,_  
 _Let us hold each other._  
 _Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander,_  
 _Let us hold each other._  
~Hold Back the River, James Bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are gonna need to decide to gets first dibs on Camille...


	12. Take It Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family reunions are going to make Magnus go grey, Alec thinks Magnus family is great, Raphael disowns Magnus, and Malec discuss the future, or parts of it at least

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer wanted to drop in like two chapters ago, but things happened, but he's not taking no for an answer anymore so... 
> 
> The list of things to do a behind the scenes for just keeps growing and growing and growing...

_Stronger days, Bitter nights,_  
_Cold hands, Warm heart,_  
_Walking round,_  
_But you're staring at the ground,_  
_Take hold, fall apart._

 _Little by little,_  
_Someone blows the whistle,_  
_It don't matter in the end,_  
_So just slow it all down, slow it all down._  
~Take It Easy, Stan Walker

* * *

Alec’s not really sure when Magnus joins him in bed that night, but when he wakes up in the morning, Magnus is curled up in his arms, his head resting on Alec’s chest. Alec smiles at him, and then flinches when he hears someone cooing, he looks to the doorway and blinks in confusion and apprehension at the man standing there, a goofy grin on his face as he looks at the pair.

“Uhm. Who the hell are you?” Alec asks, regretting his decision to put his weapons in the wardrobe, and leaving only his stele by the bed. “Magnus.” He whispers, jostling his lover. “Magnus, wake up.” Magnus moans, and snuggles his face into Alec’s chest and continues to sleep. “Magnus, there’s some dude here, your wards aren’t reacting so I’m going to assume he’s a good guy, but wake up before I punch his lights out!”

“That’s nice.” Magnus mumbles, before his sleepy brain seems to put the words together and he’s instantly awake, rolling over to look at the doorway, magic crackling at the tips of his fingers, the moment he sees who is there, he groans, lets go of the magic and snuggles back up to Alec. “Go away, uncle.” He groans again, sighing heavily. “I’m gonna murder Maze.”

“Oh, but you’re so cute! Maze, aren’t they just cute?” the man exclaims, his eyes practically glowing with excitement and mischief.

“Lucifer! I told you not to be creepy! Why are you being creepy?” Maze’s voice sounds, from the direction of the living room. “I can’t take you anywhere.”

“Excuse me, I’m your boss, you don’t take _me_ anywhere.” Lucifer answers, turning and walking back down the hallway, apparently more preoccupied with arguing with Maze than cooing at Magnus and Alec.

“Naha, not anymore, I quit, remember?” Maze retorts, her and Lucifer's voices fading away. Magnus moans and hides his face in Alec’s chest.

“So, there’s not going to be anyone showing up from my side of the family at the wedding, because I’m going to murder them all before they get the chance.” Magnus says, voice far, far too pleasant, Alec snorts.

“Right. So, Lucifer… the literal devil, you know, Lucifer Morningstar, is in our loft right now. Tell me I’m dreaming.” Alec pleads, Magnus hums.

“Nope.” He replies, “Ugh, I haven’t seen any of my family in _years,_ then Lilith shows up, and suddenly they’re all coming out of the woodwork.”

“Yeah, can we, like, backtrack a month and a bit to before Lilith showed up?”

“Sorry, no. Time magic is-“

“I was joking!” Alec exclaims, before he frowns. “Wait, time magic actually exists?”

“… no.” Magnus answers, clearing his throat. “Of course not, why would-? I’m just gonna go see what Lucifer wants.” Magnus says quickly, scrambling out of bed.

“Wait, Magnus, tell me about the time magic!” Alec yells, as Magnus practically runs out of the room.

“No! Stop asking me about the thing I shouldn’t have mentioned!” Magnus calls back, as Alec slowly moves to follow him.

“Oh, did you mention sex magic? It’s always-“

“No! Don’t tell him about the sex magic, uncle, shut up!” Alec steps into the living room to find Lucifer on the balcony, looking over the city, drinking whiskey, and _seriously, does everyone in Magnus’ family day drink?_ Alec shoves the thought aside, something to ask later. He looks around for Maze, finds her relaxing on the couch, drinking a colourful cocktail of some sort and seriously…

“Does everyone in your family day drink?” Alec asks, staring blankly at Magnus, who looks at him like he’s lost his mind.

“Uhm. Because that’s the most pressing issue, Alexander. Priorities, please.” Magnus replies, giving him such a bitch face, Alec just shrugs, figures at this point he's just going to go with Magnus' mad family, he went to hell for this man, so, what's a little family reunion compared to that?

“Yes.” Maze answers, smirking. “The good ones.”

“ _He’s literally the devil?_ ” Alec points out, looking at Lucifer.

“Retired.” Lucifer replies, looking over his shoulder to smirk at Alec.

“What?”

“I’m retired. Now, nibbling, if it wasn’t the sex magic, which honestly, he may never forgive you for keeping from him, then-“

“Shut up!” Magnus hisses, running his hand through his hair. “It was time magic and we’re so not getting into that.”

“Oh, well, that’s not _nearly_ as exciting. Don’t go playing with time magic, Maggie, you know what happened with-“

“Yes, I’m aware. Don’t call me that.”

“Maggie.” Alec says, trying out the name, Magnus glares at him, and Alec laughs. “Not a fan of Maggie?”

“I will put a compulsion on you that will affect everyone you talk to, so they’ll only call you Alexander Gideon Lightwood, every time. Just everywhere you go, everyone who-“

“Okay, fine.” Alec soothes, holding his hands out in surrender. “Fine, fine. I won’t call you Maggie.” He pauses, frowning. “And you’re the only one who gets to call me Alexander.”

“ _I know_.” Magnus replies, beaming, his eyes shining with so much love.

“They’re so cute.” Lucifer stage whispers to Maze, who snorts and rolls her eyes.

“Would you stop.” Magnus whines, turning to glare at Lucifer, who gasps and presses his hand to his heart.

“You wound me nibby. I just want you to be happy, darling.” Lucifer replies, pauses when Maze starts laughing. “What?”

“You’re your mother.”

“What?” Lucifer asks, choking on his drink.

“You’re getting all up in Magnus’ life, Lucifer. That’s what you’ve been getting angry with your mother about, and here you are-“

“No!” Lucifer exclaims, sounding so horrified. “No, no, no.” he fumbles around in his pocket for a minute, pulls out his phone, dialing quickly and pressing it to his ear. “Quick, brother, am I our mother? What do you mean that doesn’t make any sense? Am I turning into our mother? It's a yes or no question, Amenadiel! Come to the party, brother!”

“You know, I was wrong. You two aren’t a train wreck, this family is.” Raphael’s voice interrupts, Alec turns to grin at him, where he's standing in the hallway, looking at the room with a look of such utter shock that it makes Alec feel relieved to not be the only one feeling adrift at sea, here.

“Yehep, I’m getting that. It’s great, I thought my family was bad but Magnus’ takes the cake.”

“I’m standing right here.” Magnus says, crossing his arms over his chest. "And they're you're family now, too."

“Oh, I know.” Raphael replies, smirking. “The literal devil is also standing there having an argument with one of his numerous siblings about whether he’s become their mother, and there’s a demon chilling on your couch. So, I don’t know how you plan to argue this, papa.”

“ ** _Papa?_**!” two voices exclaim, Magnus groans.

“Little Maggie’s been holding out!”

“Maze!”

“I have a nibbling and you didn’t even tell me?”

“Amenadiel, talk later, I have to go meet our latest great-nibbling!”

“Raphael, run, save yourself!” Magnus yells, Alec bursts out laughing and sits down at the dining table, buries his head in his hands and laughs, while Lucifer and Maze close in on his lover and future step-son. “Alexander, how could you betray me like this?” Magnus shouts as Lucifer drags him out of the room, Maze grabbing Raphael.

“We have to go bond now! Oh, this is going to be wonderful. I’m a great-uncle, _again_. Oh, Maggie, how could you keep this from me?”

“You’ve been in Hell!”

“Not for, like, seven years, now! You have to tell me _everything!_ ”

“And what about _me_? I visited just the other day and you didn’t say anything!”

“It’s nothing personal, Maze, it just didn’t come up.”

“Papa, I-I’m disowning you. It’s not you, it’s your family. I-“

“Raphael! You can’t betray me, too.” Is the last thing Alec hears before their bedroom door slams.

“Wow.” Alec murmurs, feeling just a tad whiplashed, resting his head on a the table. “Magnus’ family is a whirlwind! I _have_ to tell Clary!”

\--

The moment night falls, the bedroom door bursts open with a loud bang, Alec looks up, from his very intense play through of Shadow of Mordor, in time for a blur to rush past him.

"Bye Raphael." he calls cheerily, as the front door slams closed, then he goes back to playing his video game.

\--

Magnus comes out about an hour later, and curls into Alec side with a huff.

"Did you murder them?" Alec asks, when no one else joins them, Magnus snorts.

"I wish. I threw them through a portal." he mumbles, sighing. "Maze and Lucifer have joined the choir of people of the opinion we should have children."

"Well, I am also-"

"Not until we're married, Alexander!"

"I've known I wanted kids since Max was born, and then when I realized I was gay, I just figured it was another thing I just couldn't have." Alec says, pausing his game. "You said it's rare for Warlocks to get married, you plan your weddings and then never have time for them. What if we don't get married for like five thousand years?! I'm not waiting five thousand years for a child that I can go and adopt today!" he exclaims, shaking his head.

"We could also get married today." Magnus poses, Alec freezes, turning slowly to stare at his fiance, a look of deer in the headlights on his face.

"What?"

"I'm not saying we should, because the look of terror on your face right now is kind of insulting, but I'm saying it's an option, and one we aren't ready for. Just like we're not ready for children, and I know there's... never a _good_ time to have children, they just sort of... happen. But Alec, I'm in no way ready to lead the Warlocks in this city, _grown_ Warlocks who know how to take care of themselves. If I can't lead _them_ , how do you think I'm going to cope with children who look to me for their every need? I'm not ready, and I think by the time we get around to our wedding, that I might be." Magnus admits, Alec's face softens, he sighs and presses a kiss to Magnus' forehead.

"Then we can wait, but like, if we're still childless a thousand years from now, I may or may not have a 'honey, I adopted _all_ the kids' moment."

"Oh my god." Magnus exclaims, shaking his head, getting a headache just thinking about it.

"I'm just giving you fair warning."

"Can you just adopt Raphael and be happy with him?"

"I've already adopted Raphael, he and I have come to a truce." Alec points out, reasonably, and okay, it's maybe a little white lie, since he and Raphael are _still_ debating whether Alec will be his step-father, ~~he totally will,~~ but yeah, they've adopted each other, so Magnus is out of luck.

"Dammit."

"Guess we're just gonna have to get married sometime in the next one thousand years. _Oh, no_. _How terrible._ " Alec whines sarcastically, Magnus bursts out laughing and shoves him.

"I love you, prat."

"I love you, too. But, can you maybe put up wards so your uncle can't creepily watch us sleep? 'Kay? Thanks!"

"Done."

* * *

  _You gotta take it easy, easy,_  
_Live your life,_  
_Take on any kind of weather you and me together,_  
_We'll be fine._  
_You gotta take it easy, easy,_  
_Take your time,_  
_It's just you and me together any kind of weather,_  
_We'll be fine._

 _Open road, broken down,_  
Bright lights, dark town,  
Stand up then you fall again,  
You will find a way in the end.  
~Take It Easy, Stan Walker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon that sometime during the Month, Clary text Alec like 'get this!' an sent him a picture of like a PS4/Xbox One and Magnus long sufferingly had one delivered like 'well, okay, but-' and whenever they get downtime he and Alec play video games, Alec's favorite are all the games he can be an archer, and Magnus doesn't really have a preference, but he enjoys the games he can be a mage (and marry other characters and have children). The both of them are becoming cave dwellers, tbh.


	13. Time Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a bad night and Alec explains the meaning of life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we had a settlement in bargaining between my union and my employer, so we got a massive lump sum payment last week, and I brought myself an X-Box One with the money and not gon lie, the X-Box has become my life now?!?
> 
> So, since Magnus' age has never really been confirmed in the show, I always like to headcanon he's around 800 years old, which means he was born sometime in the 1200s. I'm just totally ignoring book canon for him...
> 
> In the books, Vlad the Impaler was the first Vampire, and this happened in the 1400s. 
> 
> Don't know how many of you watch Lucifer, but I'm using that shows version of hell. Where hell is a choice, if you die thinking you deserve to go to hell, you go to hell, and relive your worst memory over and over and over again until you stop feeling like it's what you deserve. In the show, Lucifer says he's never seen anyone leave...

  _Always one for a good time,  
Always one for extremes,_  
_Until the fabric of life starts tearing at the seams._  
_And I can never remember,_  
_When it started to turn,_  
_I just simply forget all of the things I've learned.  
Some day I will die (Have I just)_  
_Could be today or tonight (Wasted time?)_  
_The truth is I'm terrified_  
_Have I just wasted time?_  
_Wasted time._  
 _Have I just wasted time?_  
~Beautiful Darkside, The Classic Crime

* * *

Magnus jerks awake in the middle of the night, rolls away from Alec and presses his trembling hand to his forehead, closing his eyes and breathing deep, willing the lingering fear and doubt away, even as the remnants of the dream are already fading from his mind. It seems to take a lifetime before he stops shaking, he sighs and tries to lull himself back into sleep, but he already knows, can just tell that he’s not sleeping again tonight. He spends a little time watching Alec slumbering in the moonlight, before he leaves the bed, goes out into the living room.

He suddenly collapses on the couch, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking as he cries silently, his breaths coming in quick little gasps. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, his heart is just aching and he feels like there’s nowhere to go for him, even though he can think of so many different things he still wants to do, he just can’t shake the feeling that his life is meaningless, and he’s going nowhere. It’s nothing like the times he’s considered ending it all, he doesn’t want to die, feels it deep down in his bones. He doesn’t want to die, he just doesn’t know that he wants to exist anymore, either, and he’s familiar with this, too.

This crushing weight upon him, like the weight of the universe has suddenly landed on his shoulders, and nothing he ever does will ever be enough to make a difference, so why bother? Why not just sit down and stop, just stop? Stop breathing. Stop thinking. Stop living. Just. Stop. Just close his eyes and let it all go. Eight hundred years and nothing he’s ever done has made the world a better place, nothing he’s ever done or will do will make the world better. He only ever seems to make the world worse, so why does he keep trying?

“Magnus?” Magnus’ breath hitches at the sound of Alec’s voice. “Oh, love, we keep finding ourselves here.” He flinches when he feels Alec’s arms wrap around him, before he sinks into Alec’s embrace, turns to sob into Alec’s chest. “What’s wrong?” Magnus shakes his head, doesn’t know how to answer, doesn’t even know what’s wrong.

“What’s the point?” he asks, when he can finally find his voice, can finally figure out how to put some of what he’s feeling into words.

“The point of what?”

“Life.”

“There isn’t a point, not really.” Alec replies, and Magnus’ body tenses up.

“ _Then why bother_?” he asks, can hear the desperation and confusion, the _loss_ in his own voice. Has the entirety of his life been a waste of time?

“Because life's really boring if you do nothing, and you’ll have a pretty bleak afterlife, too.” Alec replies, sighing. “You and I both know there is _something_ after death.”

“Yeah, _hell_. So, what’s the point for me?” Magnus replies, has to fight down the tightness in his chest that threatens to overwhelm him again, one day, no matter what, he will go to hell, and Alec will be left to wander the earth, alone.

“Or heaven.” Alec argues, shaking his head, but Magnus just laughs, heartbroken and self-deprecating.

“I’m the son of a fallen angel, there is no heaven for me.” Magnus says, pulling back a little to stare into Alec’s eyes. “I’m already damned.”

“That’s not what your sister says.” Alec retorts. “I’d show you the text messages, but my phone is on the bedside table. Anyway, Maze has been texting me… a lot. She seems to think you’re going to heaven, if you die.”

“But I’m _-“ the son of a demon. I’m a monster_. _A freak._

“Hell is a punishment you choose, if you think you deserve to go to hell, that’s where you will go, to be tortured for eternity over things you probably couldn’t help.” Alec explains, rubbing away the tears that have successfully escaped Magnus’ eyes, despite his best efforts. “Hell is a choice, Magnus, and it’s not the choice I want you to make. When… _if_ the time comes, I want you to go to heaven. I want you to be here with me, always, but if a day finally comes, and I lose you, I want you to go to heaven. You have tortured yourself long enough.”

“So, the purpose of life then, is to go to heaven?”

“No.” Alec replies, rolling his eyes. “The point of life is just to live. Live to the fullest, so when the time comes, you have no regrets, and you can walk through the gates of heaven and let everyone know that you deserve to be there. If you live your life just to go to heaven, you’ll find yourself in hell.”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Magnus whispers, feels something a little like hope springing to life in his chest.

“Yes. Just live your life, Magnus. That’s all, there doesn’t have to be some great purpose. Just… _live._ ”

“But what about helping people? Trying to make the world a better place and-“

“Can you honestly tell me that you’ll ever be able to turn your back on someone in need?” Alec asks, and Magnus sucks in a breath, feels pain spike through his heart, feels his chest tighten. “Whoa, hey! What’s wrong?” Alec questions, as Magnus buries his face in Alec’s chest again, body wracking with sobs.

“D-D-Dot.” Magnus hiccups, remembering how she’d come to him for help and he’d just turned her away.

“Clary said Dot was fine? That she’s at the Spiral Labyrinth?” Alec asks, confusion and concern clear in his voice. “What’s wrong with Dot? Has something happened?”

“Not-not _now_.” Magnus answers, his words shaking as he tries to rein his emotions back in. “Dot came to me, back when everything started, you and I hadn’t even met yet. She wanted me to help her find Clary. I-I tried to get her to come with me, but she wouldn’t. So, I brushed her off, and within maybe twenty minutes she was in Valentine’s hands, meanwhile I was getting drunk in my lair, stupidly over confident that Valentine wouldn’t ever find us. How can she have forgiven me for _that_?”

“Because she’s your friend. Because Clary is a Shadowhunter, and you can’t possibly tell me that you cared at all what happened to us until you decided to let yourself love me, and even then. You wanted nothing to do with us, and helping her would have been helping us, so you left.” Alec points out, Magnus sighs.

“You’re right. If I could have, I’d have taken the whole Downworld with me somewhere we would have been safe from Valentine, and I’d have let you all destroy yourselves.”

“Okay, so maybe that was my bad for asking, because honestly, there’s some people I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, but!” Alec says grinning when Magnus chuckles. “ _But_ , in _normal_ circumstances, not involving people either of us hate, you wouldn’t just leave someone to fend for themselves, would you?”

“No.” Magnus admits, groaning. “I’d probably even save Lorenzo, and he’s number one on my shit list right now… number two.” Magnus corrects, humming when Alec just raises an eyebrow at him. “Camille.”

“Ah. Yes, the Base Bitch of Brooklyn.” Alec replies, Magnus stares at him in surprise.

“Insults, Alexander? I didn’t realize you hated her so much.”

“I loathe her.” Alec states his voice hard, Magnus makes a point of looking away, knowing if he looks in Alec’s eyes he’ll see the same cold dark eyes staring at him that he’d seen when he was in Valentine’s body. “Does Raphael know?” Magnus jerks, shoves the dark thoughts down and blinks, turning to look at Alec again, frowning.

“Know what?”

“About your true relationship with Camille? That she was a toxic bitch to you, even when you were together?” Alec clarifies, Magnus snorts.

“Good lord, no!” He exclaims, shaking his head. “He’d have murdered her in her coffin the moment he got the chance!”

“He’s a vampire after my own heart.” Alec says, happily, Magnus sighs and rolls his eyes.

“But you can’t ever tell him. He’d chase Camille to the ends of the earth, and she’s so much older than him, so much stronger. He’s just a _child_.”

“I think he’d disagree.” Alec argues, frowning.

“Alexander, he is not even a century old yet. He’s still what we immortals would call a nestling, even _I_ am still considered young by my kind, and I'm older than any vampire that ever lived.” Magnus points out, has to fight down the urge to go and find Raphael and make sure that he is okay, it’s this urge that drove the pair of them apart for all these decades in the first place.

“You’re like eight hundred years old, though. That’s so not young!” Alec points out, Magnus gasps and presses his hand to his heart.

“How you hurt me, my darling! Don’t you know it is impolite to call someone _old_?”

“I mean, you look great for your age, my love. But you’re literally eight hundred years old, do not try to tell me you are young, because I’m so not believing it.”

“Darling, are you trying to tell me that I’m a cradle snatcher?” Magnus asks, raising an eyebrow, Alec blinks at him for a few seconds then bursts out laughing.

“By the Angel, you totally are!”

“ _Alexander!”_ Magnus whines when Alec just keeps laughing. “You’re sleeping on the couch! If we had a dog, you'd be sleeping in its house!”

* * *

No one ends up sleeping on the couch, when Alec finally stops laughing - and manages to kiss Magnus’ pout away - the Shadowhunter coaxes his warlock back to bed and the two of them spend the time cuddling. Though Magnus still feels that crushing weight on his shoulders, feels that bereft feeling in his chest that he doesn’t understand, just being in Alec’s arms, listening to his Shadowhunter breathe, speak, _laugh,_ it’s enough to ease him, and despite his earlier belief, eventually sleep does claim him once more.

* * *

  _The faster I find the bottom,  
Th_ _e sooner I turn it around._  
_It seems as though I forgot,  
J_ _ust how far down,_  
_That I can go in an instant,  
A_ _nd I can take you there,_  
_And I can take all my friends and family and I won't care.  
'Cause I have the most reckless heart when I try._  
_I have the most beautiful darkside._  
_I need to find some meaning,  
S_ _omething true to believe in,_  
_'Cause left to my own devices,  
Th_ _e beautiful darkside wins._  
_The beautiful darkside wins_.  
~Beautiful Darkside, The Classic Crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so instead of the Wicked Witch of the West, we have the Base Bitch of Brooklyn...


	14. Tattered Canvas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary has a warning and a confession, Malec have an argument, and decide to become Island People...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it's not just all about Magnus and Alec... hehe
> 
> I think one more chapter of this particular installment and then I will start a new one... 
> 
> I'm also TRYING to do longer chapters, trying being the operative word here...

_Slowly fading and decaying,_  
 _Please ignore what they're saying._  
 _She fought them bravely until defenses caved in,_  
 _Pressing their teeth to her neck until she gave in._  
 _Now there's no question this girl is well acquainted,_  
 _With suffering in a world that's left her tainted._  
 _She's just done what she’s been told,_  
 _Her heart is turning to stone._  
 _Here at the end of this girl,_  
 _This time she finally feels like she's coming home._  
~Tainted, Celldweller

* * *

Clary arrives the next morning, shortly after breakfast, when Magnus and Alec have gone through their morning routines, pretending like they’re definitely going to do something more worthwhile today than just hang out in the loft, _again_.

“Magnus, congratulations on your marriage, but I am here to kidnap you.” Clary announces, when Magnus magics the door open for her, both he and Alec stare at her blankly.

“What?”

“I’m here to kidnap you, by which I mean, we’re gonna take a walk and I’m going to cry on your shoulder, and you’re going to announce your intention to fight my enemies like a good brother should!” Clary tells him, looping her arm through his and pulling him to the door. “I’ve been reliably informed, by Simon _and_ Izzy, that this is what brothers are supposed to do.” she says, dragging him out the door, Alec pouts after them, until Magnus comes running back to him, pulls him into a deep kiss and then runs out the loft again, the door slamming shut behind him. Alec bites his lip, a happy, love sick grin on his face and goes to play video games.

* * *

“Okay, so you’ve successfully kidnapped me, honestly, Alec and I must have words, this is the second time in as many days, he’s not doing very well at protecting me. Anyway, what are you wanting to discuss?” Magnus asks, as they’re walking aimlessly down the street, Magnus swinging their twined hands.

“You’re the last one on my list. I’ve already told Simon, Maia, Raphael, Luke, and all the other Downworlders I actually speak to on a weekly basis, you’re the last one.”

“List?” Magnus questions, cocking his head to the side, feels concern beginning to stir within him. “Clary, what’s going on?”

“Magnus, you have to promise me that you’ll _never_ let the Clave send you to the Gard. Never. No matter what you do, no matter what you want to do for Alec. Just don’t.” Clary says, pulling them to a stop, Magnus’ concern only grows when he realizes that Clary is _shaking._

“Clary, what happened?” he asks, guiding her over to a bench on the side of the road.

“When I sent Izzy, Alec, and Jace back through that portal when we were dealing with Lilith, the Clave took me into custody, they questioned me under the Soul Sword and I told them all about what happened at the lake, about Jace dying, and my use of Raziel’s wish. The Clave branded me a traitor and sentenced me to death.” Clary explains, a sad smile on her face. “I’ve taken all my possessions from the Institute, Simon has most of my stuff in his van, the rest of it is in storage. I’ve been packing up ever since things concluded with Lilith. The Clave’s been so busy with the break out, but eventually they’ll remember that I’m an escaped criminal, and they’ll come for me, and I can’t be _there,_ Magnus, but I have nowhere else to go.”

“I’ll give you into my uncle’s care before I let the Clave have you.” Magnus promises, gripping Clary’s arms tight and squeezing. “I’m sure the Clave would think twice before going up against _Lucifer Morningstar_.”

“I-I don’t really want to go to hell, either.” Clary whispers, Magnus snorts.

“How about LA?” he asks, smiling mischievously when she stares at him, incredulous.

“Lucifer is _here?”_ she exclaims, Magnus laughs and nods his head, she grins. “I mean, I’m game, as long as he’s not going to try to kill me?”

“No, he’ll be enamoured with you. In angelic terms, Ithuriel is your father, just as much, if not more than Valentine was, just like Lilith was Jonathan’s mother. In those terms, he’s your uncle, too. Besides, Lucifer will think it hilarious, that you’re the last of the Morgenstern line, that line was named for him, you know?”

“I did, though I haven’t been able to figure out why they chose to name themselves after a Fallen Angel?”

“Because Shadowhunters are mad, honestly.” Magnus replies, rolling his eyes. “Now, since you’re not going back to the Institute unless it is over my dead body, what happened at the Gard?” Magnus asks, drawing the conversation back on track, Clary sighs heavily.

“Did you know they cull the prisoners at the Gard? They said it’s only the death row inmates, but not like I’m ever gonna believe a damn word they say ever again, and if it was only the death row inmates, you wouldn’t refer to that as ‘culling’, would you? Death row implies they’ve already been sentenced to death and just waiting for their turn to be executed. Culling implies there was a chance they weren’t going to be killed _then_ , and that there’s some lottery involved. ‘Today, you have all been chosen’ that’s what she said.” Clary explains, her voice shaking. “How come I got chosen straight away, but Iris Rouse was only there because she refused to bring Valentine back from the dead for Jia?”

“They cull the prisoners?” Magnus questions, his mind in turmoil, how many Warlocks has he sent to the Gard, only for them to be culled? How much Warlock blood is on his hands? “Wait. The Consul wanted to bring Valentine back, what for?”

“They wanted to know what Lilith wanted with his body. Iris Rouse refused to bring him back, so Jia moved her execution date forward. They make you watch, you know? You’re all in this big cage, and they march you out in chains one by one, and a Silent Brother burns you to death with a staff, and they just… shove your body down a grate and call the next dead man up.” She says, wiping angrily at the tears that have started falling from her eyes, Magnus' magic burns beneath his skin and he has to take a few deep breaths in to keep it contained.

“H-how did you get away? How did you come back?” he asks, when he finally feels like his magic isn’t going to burst out of him in a destructive wave.

“I didn’t want to die.” Clary explains, voice cracking. “So, I offered to bring Valentine back, Jia took me up on it. I succeeded and he started a break out, and in the break out, the Owl stole me away.”

“Clary, no.” Magnus whispers, horrified. “Don’t tell me that _bastard_ is still alive.” Alive and had at least a month to start planning.

“No, he’s dead. I killed him again, the moment the opportunity arose. He's never coming back.” Clary assures him, patting his hand and giving a hysteric little giggle. “I’ve killed both my fathers, one of them I killed twice. Luke should probably stay away from me, huh?”

“Valentine most definitely had it coming, and you did not kill Ithuriel, Lilith did that, and I don’t even think Ithuriel is even _really_ dead. I’ll ask Lucifer, but I don’t think killing angels is something within Lilith’s power. Angels are really particular about when they’re going to die, trust me.” Magnus assures her, wiping away her tears. “Have you told anyone at the Institute about this?”

“No, not yet. Izzy knows I’m thinking about leaving, and Jace is getting curious about why all my things have suddenly disappeared, but neither of them have come out and asked. I don’t know what to tell Jace, he loves being a Shadowhunter and I can’t take that away from him, it’s the only life he knows.” Clary says, shaking her head. “I can’t make him choose.”

“He loves you, you’ll be surprised what he’s willing to give up for you.” Magnus replies, thinking of Alec just offering away anything, everything just to save Magnus, giving up being a Shadowhunter just because Magnus needs him, thinks of how willing he himself was to give up his magic to save Jace for Alec, to go back to the place he never really called home, the place he has nightmares about every few centuries. The things people do for love. “Also, you know that you’re invited to the wedding, and so is Jace, and if the two of you make it awkward, I don’t know what I’ll do, but it won’t be pleasant!” Magnus warns, Clary laughs and leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, Alec’s last attempt at a wedding was made awkward by _you,_ Jace and I managed to be perfectly civil.” Clary argues, grinning.

“How very dare you, I _saved_ that wedding.”

“You _ended_ the wedding!”

“Exactly! Now, come on, we need ice-cream!” Magnus exclaims, pulling Clary up and dragging her through a portal in search of the world’s best ice-cream.

So, began an Ice-Cream Parlour Crawl: Around the World in Over Eighty Portals.

* * *

 

Magnus tucks an exhausted Clary into bed in the guest bedroom later that night, after she’s spent the day breaking down crying on his shoulder at random times over their ice-cream, and their various portal hopping, some of which Clary created. She looks peaceful sleeping, there’s nothing to tell of the horrors she’s experienced these last three-four months, nothing but the black marks on her skin that she wears now as if she’s always worn them. Magnus sighs, brushing her hair out of her face, remembering the little girl she once was, he presses a kiss to her forehead and leaves her to her slumber.

_How would you like to meet another nibbling? -MB_

Magnus fires off the text to his uncle, goes to sit on his bed to wait for his reply, can’t speak with Alec at the moment, can’t bear to look at _his_ Shadowhunter.

_Ooohh, do tell. -LM_

_Ithuriel has two nephilim children, they’re his children by blood, not by birth. One of them has been sentenced to death by the Clave for using Raziel’s wish to save the other. I told her you’d be willing to protect her? -MB_

Magnus wonders just why his family has to be so damn weird with the almost, but not quite incestuous relationships just popping up _everywhere_.

 _Ithuriel is the most unfortunate angel, why am I surprised to learn his children are, too?_ \- LM

_Her name is Clary Fairchild, she is the last of the Morgenstern line. -MB_

_Oooohhh. I’ll look after the nibbling for you. -LM_

_Thank you. -MB_

_Did you warn her about my mother? -LM_

_Oh. -MB_

_Oh, this is going to be fun! Send her over when she’s ready, nibby! -LM_

Magnus sighs, and rubs at his eyes, maybe he should have sent Clary somewhere else? But, no, Lucifer and Maze have the best chance of keeping her out of the Clave’s hands, even if it means Clary’s left at the mercy of their grandmother.

He huffs, puts the phone in his pocket, takes a deep breath in and goes to face the final battle of the day. He activates the privacy ward around the guest room as he passes, to ensure Clary’s sleep isn’t interrupted if things go badly.

* * *

 

“Did you know?” he asks, standing at the drinks cart _, just_ resisting the urge to make himself something to steel himself.

“Know what?” Alec asks, pausing whatever show or movie he was watching to turn and frown at Magnus.

“Did you know that the Clave culls their prisoners at the Gard, every month?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Everyone knows.” Alec replies, blinking at him in confusion. “The death row inmates get culled every month. Everyone knows that.” He says, shrugging his shoulders, like it’s nothing, like he’s not talking about the deaths of hundreds of people.

“No, not _everyone_ knows, Alexander.” Magnus snaps, feels the magic rising within him in response to his emotions. “ _Shadowhunters_ know. You think we’d surrender our people to you if we knew you were just going to burn the lot of them to death when you decide they’ve taken up enough of your resources? You think we’d _ever_ give our people over to you to murder, instead of just doing it ourselves and giving them their last rites?”

“What are you talking about?” Alec asks, climbing to his feet and stepping forward, Magnus unconsciously takes a step back, his hands out as if to ward Alec away, magic crackling at the tips of his fingers, Alec’s attitude to this reminding him how Alec was so willing to just go along with the murder of a prisoner, the murder of _him,_ because he had orders. Alec freezes on the spot, can’t hide the hurt that flashes in his eyes, but Magnus pushes the guilt he feels to the side, can deal with that later, even as he calls the magic back inside him.

“You have closed trials for Downworlders, we don’t ever find out the sentence other than that a Downworlder has been sentenced to the Gard. That’s all we know, and we give our own criminals over to you on occasion to hold in the Gard, but none of them are death row, because we deal out death sentences and follow through ourselves. Now, I have to question how many people I’ve given over to you to slaughter in the years I was High Warlock.” Magnus says, rubbing at his eyes, at the angry tears threatening to fall. “How much blood have you stained on my hands?”

“Magnus, it’s not like that. The prisoners on death row are-“

“The worst of the worst. Yes _, I know_.” Magnus exclaims, cutting him off. “Or! _Or,_ they’re Clary, who has been sentenced to death for saving _your Parabatai_.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you know? They didn’t even tell _you,_ the head of her institute?” Magnus asks, tone mocking even though he doesn’t intend it to be. “When she dumped you, Izzy, and Jace through the portal and stayed in Idris, they took her into custody, questioned her under the Soul Sword and branded her a traitor when they found out about the lake. Sentenced her to death. We were all running around trying to save Jace and stop Lilith and the Clave was busy trying to murder Clary! I can see they’ve got their priorities straight. Aren’t they the ones with the sacred duty to defeat demons? Oh, yes, I can definitely see how murdering Clary counts when there’s a literal Greater Demon on the loose!”

“It-it’s not like that, Magnus.”

“Then you’ve got the new Consul, moving the execution of warlocks forward if they refuse to perform magic for her. You know what we civilized people call that? We call that corruption, but I guess in the Clave, you just call that the law. _The law is hard, but it is the law_.” Magnus snarls, feels a great rage welling within him, his magic burning just beneath his skin, threatening to break free if he’ll just give it a chance, feels the glamour on his eyes peeling away.

“I didn’t know about _that._ The cull is… supposed to just be a round up of the death row inmates sentenced to die that month. It’s not supposed to be… it’s not supposed to be anything else. There’s not supposed to be a moving forward of execution dates o-or anything, and new death row inmates have a mandatory five months in the Gard, in case new evidence comes to light and there’s a stay of execution, with a possibility of a lighter sentence or the prisoner being let go.” Alec explains, sounding as lost and confused as Magnus had felt earlier, listening to Clary explain it all to him.

“Did you know that they burn them alive and just shove their bodies through a grate in the floor? Did you know that they make all the chosen watch? _It’s sick_ , Alec. I get that they’re criminals, I even understand that the Clave doesn’t really care for us Downworlders, but you can’t even grant them even a modicum of decency when you’re murdering them?” Magnus asks, wilting, the fight just seeming to flee from him. “Of course, you can’t, barely two centuries ago, you lot were running around murdering us for our marks. Why we ever believed you’d come far from that, I will never understand.”

“I didn’t know that, either. The Clave tells us what they want us to know, Magnus, you know that!” Alec answers, honestly, angrily. “Clary told me once that in the mundane world, they’d call the Clave a cult, she said she didn’t know how she felt about being part of a cult. I didn’t really understand what she was talking about, but I-I get it now. I-I’m going to leave the Institute, leave the Clave, leave all of it, for real. I know Underhill wants me to stay and work with the Downworlders, but honestly, I think the Downworld is going to have their revolution one way or another, and you know, I think the Clave deserves it.”

“Oh, they definitely do.” Magnus replies, crossing the room to stand in front of Alec. “I-I’m sorry I accused you. I just couldn’t… you were going to murder me, because you had orders. I didn’t see any difference between that and… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I should have known.”

“It’s really not. Nothing about today has been okay.” Magnus disagrees, shaking his head. “Clary is leaving the Institute, to be plainer, she is on the run.”

“Why?” Alec asks, confused, carefully reaching forward to take Magnus’ hand into his own, and guiding them back to the couch, Magnus goes without protest.

“Because she’s still considered a traitor to the Clave, her sentence was never lifted, she broke out of the Gard along side all the others.” Magnus explains, sighing. “I’m sending her to Lucifer. I’m telling you, because I’d love to see the Clave go up against him. It would make my _year._ My grandmother is currently visiting him, as well, so that’d be interesting. You think the Clave could win against Goddess?”

“Hell no!” Alec exclaims, Magnus smirks.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He replies, smug. “You need to talk to your parabatai, because Clary’s not going back to the Institute, not for him, not for anyone, and if he loves her, he’ll go with her. If he loves the Clave more, he’ll stay, but he needs to make a choice on his own, because she won’t force him to.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Alec says, sighing heavily. “Why can’t we just have like… _one_ week where we just get to relax?”

“Darling, we’ve both been off work for over a month, now.” Magnus points out, Alec snorts.

“Yeah, because I’d totally call the last month _relaxing.”_

“True.” Magnus replies, frowning. “Definitely not relaxing. Sorry about that.”

“Hey, not your fault, also, I seem to recall you own an Island? Anyone who owns an Island can afford to never work again in their life, so why don’t we send Clary through to Lucifer, talk some sense into Jace, and then jump ship to the Island?”

“I thought you didn’t want to live on my money forever?” Magnus asks, raising an eyebrow, but there’s a large grin on his face, Alec shrugs.

“What’s yours is mine.”

“Not quite yet, darling, we have to get married first.”

“Ah, knew there was something foiling my plan to rob you blind. Shoot.” Alec answers without missing a beat, Magnus laughs and snuggles into him.

“As long as we’re not here when my grandmother finds out about my existence, I don’t care what we do or where we go.”

“Excellent. Island life here we come!”

* * *

_It's not a question of why and if she'll make it,_  
 _It's more a question of when and how she'll take it._  
 _Standing out there alone completely naked,_  
 _Another secret's been kept and left her tainted._  
 _There's nothing more she can do to make them change it,_  
 _She does the best that she can to rearrange it._  
 _There's still the question of how she's grown so tainted,_  
 _A tattered canvas unfurls, watch as they paint it._  
 _She's at the edge of the world,_  
 _She's there standing alone,_  
 _She's the loneliest girl,_  
 _And now she finally feels like she's coming home._  
~Tainted, Celldweller

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I want to do a spin off with Clary in LA and Lucifer being like a doting overprotective uncle, and Goddess hovering in the background like 'do you... like ... shopping? Do you want to go shopping with me? None of my boys really want anything to do with me but...', and Amenadiel is there like 'omfg, I'm so giving Ithuriel shit for this! And Raziel, guys, you make 'em, take responsibility for 'em! This is why I don't have kids!' and Maze is like 'hey, hey, Nephilim, lemme teach you how to really wield a blade!! Also, sorry my mum's such a bitch...' and Linda is there like 'oh, why the hell not, should we schedule you in for an appointment on Friday, five o'clock?' meanwhile Chloe is just like '????' especially if Jace is there and Lucifer is there like calling them both his niblings... 
> 
> The next installment will be Island Life and probably, maybe, possibly the marriage?!?


	15. May the Angel Have Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a bad dream, Clary threatens God, Clace move to LA, and Malec become Islanders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was such a hard chapter to write?! Additionally, Jace and I had a massive fight and in the end HE WON! So you'll just have to wait for the Behind the Scenes to come out to get the Alec and Jace chat (and the chat with everyone else by extension), because Jace is being a stubborn piece of shit and I can't figure out how to write him properly!! 
> 
> Also, the wedding is written. Now I just gotta get from here to it. Oh my god! Writing is hard!
> 
> Warning for this chapter: Description of people burning alive?? Also, torture, I guess?

_So glad to see you well,_   
_Overcome and completely silent now._   
_With heavens help you cast your demons out._

_And not to pull your halo down,_  
 _Around your neck and tug you off your cloud._  
 _But I'm more than just a little curious,_  
 _How you're planning to go about making your amends_ ,  
 _To the dead._  
 _To the dead._  
~The Noose, A Perfect Circle

* * *

Alec wakes up in the middle of the night, groggy and confused as to what woke him up until he feels Magnus tossing and turning beside him, hears the little whimpers leaving his lover’s throat.

“Magnus, hey, you’re okay. Magnus, wake up, it’s just a dream.” He whispers, pulling Magnus into his arms. “It’s just a dream.” He says, holding Magnus tight.

Suddenly, Magnus screams and thrashes against him. 

* * *

_“Why did you give me to them, Magnus?”_

_“Ronon.” Magnus whispers, reaching forward, fingers shaking as he watches Ronon burning alive before his eyes. “It was only for half a century, they told me when you were released, they-“_

_“They lied to you, Magnus, and you believed them. You never thought of me again, did you? Never wondered why you never heard of me again after_ you gave me to the Clave!” _the Celtic warrior roars, getting in Magnus’ face, Magnus can feel the heat from his burning body and he pulls away._

 _“I-I didn’t know._ I didn’t know. _I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”_

_“Sorry isn’t good enough!” another voice shrieks and Magnus spins slowly, looking for the new voice, as Ronon turns to ash._

_“Rosella.”_

_“Why did you let them take me, Magnus? We were good together, weren’t we? I_ loved _you.” Rosella says, her beautiful purple eyes alight with agony and wrath._

_“As I loved you. But you were not yourself, Rosella, you attacked mundanes! Nothing I did helped you.” Magnus breathes, reaching for her even as she bursts into flames._

_“You never loved me! You let them take me! You let them kill me! If that is love, I wish I’d never tasted its poisoned kiss!” she screams, as her body turns to ashes at the merest touch of his fingers._

_“Rosella.”_

_“They were murdering us for sport, and you still let them take me! Why, Magnus? I thought you loved me.” A voice says, as a man steps out of the shadows in front of Magnus, already burning._

_“I did, Atticus. I_ do.” _Magnus says, pleading as tears spill down his face. “I do. I love you.”_

_“Then why, Magnus? Why did you let them take me?”_

_“I had to protect the children and you couldn’t be calmed.” Magnus replies, shaking his head. “It was the only way.”_

_“Their lives were already over, but you chose to kill me, too. I wish you’d never loved me, your love is death.” Atticus snaps, before throwing his head back and screaming as the fire consumes him, his body turning to ashes._

_“No.” Magnus mumbles, his breath hitching as he starts to sob. “No, no. I didn’t know. I didn’t. I never would have… I didn’t know. Please.”_

_“Murderer.”_

_“Destroyer.”_

_“Bane.”_

_“You killed us.”_

_“Why did you kill us, Magnus?”_

_"Why are you always killing the ones you love?"_

_“Your love is death.”_

_Magnus collapses to his knees, crying harder than he thinks he’s ever cried before, feels like his heart is being cut to shreds as it tries to tear itself out of his chest._

_“Your love is death.”_

_“Your love is death.”_

_“Your love is death.”_

_“You killed us.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You left me no choice!” Magnus yells, at the voices, at the loved ones he unknowingly condemned to death as they swirl in and out of the darkness all around him, their bodies burning. He claws at his chest, like if he can just pull his heart out, the pain will stop, even though he knows it won’t. “You left me no choice! You endangered us all! I had no choice. I had to give you over, I had to let them take you, I had to turn you in. They would have killed us all because of you!”_

_“You killed us, Magnus.”_

_“I_ know!”

_“Why did you trust them, Magnus? After what they did, what they were doing, why did you trust them?”_

_“I had no choice. I’m sorry, so, so sorry, I didn’t know, but you left me no choice.”_

_“You’re a murderer, Magnus, you should have burned right along with us.” Atticus says, caressing Magnus’ face with his burning hand, Magnus flinches away, hissing as the heat blisters his skin._

_“Yes. You should burn.” Ronon says, suddenly appearing right in front of him, replacing Atticus, Magnus gasps and scrambles away._

_“Burn with us, Magnus.”_

_“Burn with us.”_

_“Burn with us.”_

_The voices all chant, everywhere Magnus looks, his loved ones burn as they reach for him._

_“No, no, no, please._ Please.” _He screams, throwing his hands up to protect his face, but it is not enough, will never be enough as he feels their hands latch onto his skin. The smell of burning flesh is sickening and he chokes on it_ , _chokes on the pain as he feels his skin blistering, bubbling, melting._

_“May the Angel have mercy.” Atticus intones, like he’s repeating an ancient saying._

_“Because we have none.” Rosella finishes, running her hand through Magnus’ hair, setting it alight._

_“Please!”_

* * *

“Please wake up, Magnus, please wake up.” Alec whispers repeatedly, as he rocks his lover in his arms. “It’s just a dream, wherever you are, it’s just a dream.

“Please, I didn’t know! I didn’t know! I’m sorry!” Magnus screams, over and over again until his voice is hoarse with it. Then, suddenly Magnus goes dead still in Alec’s arms, and Alec’s breath catches.

“Magnus?” he asks, Magnus takes a stuttering breath in, clenches his hands in Alec’s shirt and cries.

“I didn’t know.” He whispers, horrified and guilty and so, _so agonized._ “I didn’t know, Alec. I should have known. I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t know.” Magnus mumbles, seeming not to hear Alec, and Alec is pretty sure he didn’t, so Alec just holds him instead, rubbing soothing circles into his back until Magnus cries himself back to sleep, tucked up against Alec’s chest. It is a long time before Alec follows him into slumber.

* * *

Alec makes bacon and eggs for the three of them in the morning, the smell of bacon cooking drawing both Clary and Magnus from their slumber. Alec’s pleased with this achievement, since both of them tend to be late risers, especially Magnus, especially Magnus after a night of terrors.

“So, it’s a good thing I’m leaving the Clave, since I’m currently sheltering a criminal...” Alec says, as they’re sitting down to eat, Clary smirks at him from across the table and rolls her eyes. Magnus looks a little shaken, before he smiles at Clary, Alec frowns at him, but quickly schools his features before Clary has a chance to notice.

“Honestly, Alec, I think you’re the only one of our little Nephilim posse who hasn’t been deemed a criminal by the Clave. There was that thing with Izzy and Meliorn, that time Jace got imprisoned in the Silent City, I’m on the run. How come when you break the law, you get away with it?” Clary questions, narrowing her eyes. Alec pauses, and puts an innocent smile on his face.

“Who, me? No, no, I’m just a good little soldier, you know I’d _never_ break the law.” He simpers, Clary and Magnus bursting into laughter.

“Wow!” Clary exclaims shaking her head. “Just wow. You know, the most annoying thing about that is it probably worked, too.”

“Oh, yeah! Every time, well, until I decided to make out with this awesome guy in front of some of the most influential members of the Clave, now I’m just barely keeping out of the firing line…” Alec replies, shrugging his shoulders.

“Any regrets?” Magnus asks, raising an eyebrow, Clary snorts, and Alec laughs.

“I went through an elaborate engagement and you think I have regrets?” he questions, incredulous.

“Just checking.” Magnus answers, grinning. “I have no regrets either.”

“Aww, you guys are so cute!” Clary coos, and Magnus swears her eyes are making little hearts, and he wasn’t actually sure that was humanly possible.

“Why is everyone, all the time, calling us cute?” Alec asks, pouting, Magnus hums and steals a piece of Alec’s bacon.

“I don’t know, darling, maybe it’s because you keep doing cute things?”

“Excuse me, I think you’re mistaken. I am not cute, _you_ are cute.” Alec argues, Magnus smiling at him like a love-sick fool, Clary laughs at the both of them, a fond smile on her face.

“This is why everyone keeps calling you cute, by the way.” She points out, unnecessarily. “Even Jace thinks you are cute, and he’s _Jace_. Your _mom_ thinks you guys are cute, and she’s your _mom._ Wasn’t she like so against you at the start and now she’s like trying to tell everyone who listens about _her_ boys.” She says, giggling. “You guys weren’t there for the After-Lilith party, understandably. But your mum got drunk and Luke had to whisk her off home because she kept trying to show everyone your baby photos and regaling everyone with stories about her interactions with Magnus and how you’re such an amazing person. It was great.”

“Oh my god.” Magnus moans, burying his head in his hands, Alec shares his sentiments.

“You were a cute baby, Alec.” Clary assures him, beaming.

“Oh, he was! The most adorable baby!” Magnus exclaims, peeking between his fingers as Alec starts groaning.

“How do you know?” Alec asks, eyes narrowing. “She didn’t show you pictures, did she?”

“No, Izzy did!” Magnus says, chuckling. “She’s such a dove.”

“I no longer have a sister.” Alec mutters, and the other two burst into laughter.

They spend the rest of breakfast teasing each other until Alec has to leave.

“Right, I have been tasked with talking sense into Jace, not an easy task. But one I apparently agreed to take on when I agreed to join our souls, so, I will be back.” He says, sighing and getting up from the table, he gives Magnus a kiss, grabs his weapons from where he’d stashed them earlier that morning, and heads out the door, Magnus sighing wistfully after him. Clary smiles and rolls her eyes.

“You’re really lost on him.” She says, Magnus hums.

“Oh, yes, I knew that the moment I laid eyes on him.” He answers, smiling, before he clears his throat and magics their dishes away. “Anyway, while he’s off trying to wrangle your lesser half, I should probably warn you about the downsides of moving to LA.”

“My _lesser_ half?” Clary asks, smirking, Magnus shrugs his shoulders.

“If you’re my little sister, I’m allowed to be disappointed by your chosen love, sorry, I don’t make the rules.” Magnus points out, grinning when Clary huffs.

“Fine, and what’s so bad about LA?”

“Uhm, just that it’s so far turning into the literal City of Angels? Lucifer is there, and my uncle Amenadiel, and apparently uncle Uriel dropped in there at some point, too. Don’t bring him up if you don’t want a moody devil on your hands. Also, our grandmother is visiting them at the moment.” Magnus explains, casually, Clary stares at him blankly for a few seconds and then her eyes go wide.

“Grandmother as in… God? God’s a woman?”

“Grandmother as in Goddess, God is our grandfather.”

“Oh, so he’s not so much a solo act after all?” Clary asks, raising an eyebrow, Magnus snorts.

“I mean, that’s one way to look at it?”

“That’s hilarious. Lemme guess, God created man, and Goddess created woman?”

“Well, she created Lilith and Eve, but when God punished Eve for eating the forbidden fruit, he warped Goddess’ creation. Women would now feel pain in childbirth, women would be subservient to man, etc, etc.” Magnus says, rolling his eyes.

“Magnus, serious question! Did he create periods?” Clary asks, voice barely above a whisper, but solid as stone.

“Uhm.”

“Because I’ll murder him myself if he did. I’ll do it, Magnus, don’t think I won’t. I killed my own father, killing my grandfather isn’t too much of a stretch. I’ll do it! I’ll murder the bastard! Who does he think he is? One woman upsets him, so he just has to ruin the lives of every single other woman that ever lived? God, he’s such a fucking asshole! Men make so much more sense now! They’re modeled after an ass hat!”

“Oh, you, Lucifer, and Goddess are going to get on like a house on fire.” Magnus laments, Clary doesn’t hear him, too busy threatening God. “I just hope you’re not the ones lighting it on fire…”

* * *

Alec comes back just before midday, with Jace and Jace’s bag in tow, Magnus and Clary are tucked up on the couch, watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine again, Alec rolls his eyes when he sees them.

“So, I take it since Jace is here that we have two for LA?” Magnus asks, pausing the show, Alec huffs.

“Yup, so let’s throw these two love birds through a portal and we go and begin our lives as islanders!”

“You’re keen.” Magnus says, smiling at him, while Clary giggles.

“I’m sorry, Alec, am I cockblocking you?” Clary asks, fluttering her eyelashes at him, Alec chokes.

“Never. Because this one always beats you to it!” he finally answers, nudging Jace, who immediately looks offended.

“What? _Me?!_ When? When have I ever?”

“Uhm, our first date, things were just getting good, and you came through the door looking for a place to stay.” Magnus answers, without missing a beat.

“I-I mean, okay, I totally walked into that, because true. But in my defence-“

“Oh my god!” Clary exclaims, laughing and shaking her head. “Just stop, babe, there’s no excuse for being a cockblock!”

“But-“

“Nope.”

“This is why I got ditched in Shanghai, isn’t it?!”

“Yehep.”

_“Alec!”_

“Hey, learn not to be a cockblock and I won’t have you dumped in random locations around the world.” Alec replies, shrugging his shoulders.

“I see how it is.”

“Good, then we're getting somewhere!”

“You’ve cockblocked me thousands of times!”

“Yeah, because you keep bringing them home to the place where you work? And I needed you to help me with our job?” Alec replies, raising an eyebrow.

“What about that time with Kaylee?”

“She was a murderous bitch anyway, I did you a favour!” Alec exclaims, pausing when he hears the sound of crunching, and turns to see Clary and Magnus watching the two of them, sharing a bowl of popcorn between them.

“What?” Magnus asks, innocently, looking like the angel he is not. Clary brings out the worst in him, honestly.

“Oh, come on, it was just getting good!” Clary yells, throwing popcorn at her fellow Nephilim.

“All the people in the world, brother, and we chose these two losers!” Jace mutters, Alec hums, and presses a kiss to Magnus’ forehead, Magnus preens.

“Yeah, but they’re our losers.” Alec answers, Magnus pouts at him, and Alec just laughs.

“Jace, go away, you’re a bad influence!” Magnus whines, snapping his fingers and creating a portal, Alec snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Come on then.” Clary says, jumping to her feet. “All my stuff is with Simon or in storage, but if I need it, I’ll portal back to get it.”

“Okay, but bring Maze with you, if you do. And be safe, and be careful, and please don’t let Lucifer or Goddess talk you into anything dumb. Sometimes they don’t think things through all the way.” Magnus tells Clary, pulling her into a hug.

“I’m used to the type.” She answers, squeezing him tight. “And you guys enjoy the island and remember to invite me and Maia over some time for drinks on the beach!”

“Of course.” Magnus answers, as Clary pulls back to grin at him. “Enjoy LA.”

“We will!” Clary chimes, giving Alec a quick hug. She snags Jace’s arm and pulls him through the portal, and suddenly Alec and Magnus are all alone in the loft.

* * *

 

"Are you alright?" Alec asks, sinking down onto the couch and pulling Magnus down with him, Magnus snuggles into his side.

"I'm fine." he replies, a large smile on his face that Alec just _knows_ is fake, wonders if any of Magnus' laughter today, any of his smiles have been real, or if everything was just carefully crafted to hide how he was truly feeling.

"Are you sure?" Alec asks, frowning. "You scared me last night, Magnus. And this morning, you looked like you'd seen a ghost when I made that joke about harboring Clary as a criminal." 

"I-I'm fine."

"Magnus, please don't lie to me, please don't hide from me."

"Okay, I'm a little thrown by what Clary revealed to us yesterday about the Gard. I'll get over it, though." Magnus replies, yet another false smile on his face, it doesn't reassure Alec at all.

"Magnus-"

“Have you told everyone at the Institute you’re leaving?” Magnus asks, cutting Alec off, Alec frowns at him, but decides not to push further, Magnus will tell him the truth when he's ready, and pushing too hard will just cause more harm than good.

“I did it while Jace was packing up. They’re all disappointed and sad, they’re trying to understand, but I’d like to be away from here before they decide to come over and try to talk some sense into me again.” Alec says, Magnus nods and forms another portal as he stands up.

“Then let’s both get out of here, the island awaits!” he announces, grabbing Alec’s hand and leading him through the portal to their new life, refusing to look back.

* * *

_Recall the deeds as if they're all,_  
 _Someone else's atrocious stories._  
 _Now you stand reborn before us all,_  
 _So glad to see you well._

_And not to pull your halo down,_  
 _Around your neck and tug you to the ground._  
 _But I'm more than just a little curious,_  
 _How you're planning to go about making your amends,_  
 _To the dead._  
 _To the dead._  
~The Noose, A Perfect Circle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, another one finished. I have already started on the next installment, and I mean more than just the wedding... but I'm kinda busy sorting my life out atm, so might not be so frequent with my posting of that one...


End file.
